Better Interpersonal Communication

Its not what happens to you, but what you do about it

2011-07-23T19:55:00.004+08:00

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Its not what happens to you, but what you do about it that matters!

Each of us encounters setbacks in our lives. It might be big, such as the loss of a loved one, or it might be small. However, its not what happens to you that matters. What matters is what you do about it.

Overcoming The Odds:
An Example

Take for instance the example of Oscar Pistorius. He is a double amputee, which means that he had both of his lower legs amputated. To each and every one of us, I’m sure; this would be a tremendous setback that would eclipse any problems that you or I might be facing right now.

One might expect someone like him to feel dejected about his life, about how he was dealt an unfair hand in the game of life. But did he wallow in self pity? No, he didn’t. Today, he is a world class athlete who holds numerous world records in track and field and is currently attempting to qualify for the Olympics.

If someone like him, who has lost 2 of his limbs, can achieve something so exceptional, certain you or I, who are complete in body and mind, is capable of achieving so much more.

When we face setbacks, we might feel sorry for ourselves, feel angry or negative about it, or try to escape from the problem by resorting to alcohol. However, would something like that solve the problem? No, it wouldn’t. That would only exacerbate the problem and lead us down a downward spiral of despair.

Other people might do nothing and try to forget the problem. Well, you know the saying, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

What We should Do

What we should do is to turn the problem into a source of strength. Its not what happens to you that matters, what matters is what you do about it. Instead of moaning or grumbling, what we should do is to use the problem as a source of motivation to improve upon the situation.

For instance, there was this instance where I was given negative feedback about my personality. I was told that I was too cold, aloof and impersonal with people. Was I upset about it? You bet I was. However, after doing some self introspection, I felt that the feedback that I received was true. I can’t change the past. What has happened has already happened and can’t be changed.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing, what I could do was to try to change the future and improve myself. This motivated me to try to improve upon my interpersonal communication skills by joining more social activities such as Toastmasters International, a public speaking organization, and by reading and researching more about interpersonal communication in general. One great book about the subject is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Today, I can confidently say that I am a better person as a result of this incident.

To reiterate the main point of this passage, its not what happens to you, but what you do about it that matters. We can’t change the past, but we still have the power to shape our own destinies. We can choose how we want to handle our setbacks. Instead of wallowing in self pity, why not use it as a source of motivation and strength and make a positive change for the better. You will become a better person if you choose to put your mind into it.

Recognise your Strengths

2011-01-02T20:17:00.004+08:00

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Consider this story

A water bearer in China had two large pots hung on the ends of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the perfect pot would always be full of water, but the cracked pot would arrive only half full.

For two years, this went on every day, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor and cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of perceived bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The bearer replied to the pot, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so i planted flower seeds on your side of your path, and everyday while we walk back, you water them. For two years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers. Without you being the way you are, there would not be this beauty and grace in this house."

Think about what makes you unique in this world! What you perceive as a flaw might be seen by others as an asset. It might be your slightly crooked smile or corny jokes which warm other people up or your abnormal height that makes you a great basketball player. Do not neglect in counting the positives that make you who you are!

Remember that everybody has their strengths. Inspite of how bad you might think of yourself, you are special, unique and one of a kind. Recognise your strengths, trust in your abilities and succeed in life.

On the flip side, do recognise that even the weakest individual is better than you or me in some way or another. It may be intelligence or kindness or generosity or even grace.

Emerson once said: “Every man is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

Almost every man you meet feels himself superior to you in some way, and a sure way to win a person's heart is to let him or her realize that in some subtle way, you recognize his importance in his little world, and recognize it sincerely.

For more motivational quotes, check out this page of Motivational Quotes.
Check out this page for tips on how to win friends and influence people.

Presenting with Visual Aids

2010-10-12T14:46:00.020+08:00

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The visual aid is an invaluable tool which should be utilised in a presentation.

Remember that over 70% of communication is non-verbal. Hence, visual aids can definately help to enhance the quality of a presentation.

What are Visual Aids?
Visual aids are materials which you can use during a presentation to help your listener understand, accept and be motivated by what you have to say.

You should use visual aids when you need to
1) Focus the audience's attention
2) Reinforce your verbal message
3) Stimulate Interest
4) Illustrate factors that are hard to visualise

You should NEVER use visual aids to
1) Impress your audience with overly detailed tables or graphs
2) Avoid interaction with your audience
3) Present simple ideas that can be more easily stated verbally

Examples of Visual Aids
Examples that can be used to enhance a presentation include:
1) Computer-based visuals such as Powerpoint
2) Overhead transparencies
3) Flipcharts
4) Whiteboards
5) Props
6) Video
7) Photographs

Some questions to ask yourself when you make a presentation are
1) Are your visual aids appropriate for the speech and message that you are trying to convey?
2) Do the visual aids help you to carry your point across?
3) Are my visual aids simple, clear and concise?

Some addition presentation tips from my own experience are
1) Be careful not to block your visual aids when you make your presentation.
2) Do arrive earlier beore hand to check the working condition of the electronic equipment such as computers, projectors and microphones.
3) Visual aids are good, but you can make a good presentation great by integrating effective body gestures in your presentation.
4) Use more layman terms to elaborate your points. When you are presenting, there is a tendency to use jargan within your speech.
5) Do add a personal touch to your speech. You can do this by providing examples that the audience can relate to.

Here are some addition resources and tips for a better presentation
The 3 Simplest Steps to a Better Vocal Presentation
10 Attention Grabbers for Better Public Speaking
Public Speaking Via An Audience Centered Approach
Presentation Tips

How a Complement can turn into an Insult - Communication Process

2010-10-04T07:51:00.008+08:00

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Interpersonal communication is indeed a tricky thing to manage. Messages are frequently distorted though the communication process, such that even an intended complement might even turn into an unintentional insult.

Case in point. I was talking with a good friend the other day. She pointed out something that i thought was very interesting. She actually felt offended when somebody complemented how hardworking she was.

How could this be, you might wonder? The adjective "hardworking" certainly must be complementary, one must imagine. The free online dictionary defines the word hardworking as "habitually working diligently and for long hours." Certainly this must be a complement, especially considering the Asian culture where we both come from, where the trait of being a hard worker is encouraged and celebrated.

In her opinion, she linked the word "hardworking" with requiring long hours of work and effort in order to get things done. This is opposed to someone who can achieve the same result with little effort.

This is an example as to how the message gets distored as it moves from the receiver to the sender. There is a process of coding and decoding of the message which distorts the message from its original meaning. As mentioned in the post "Understanding the Communication Process", this could be due to cultural factors as my friend has lived many years of her life in an European environment which is different from an Asian environment.

And that is how complementing someone as being hardworking can actually turn into an insult. And i'm not even referring to complements that sound like insults either or "complisults", an urban slang meaning a half-compliment and half-insult.

The point to take away from this message is that unintentional miscommunication frequently occurs in our daily lives. This can happen anywhere, from our home to our workplace. This is a result of many different distorting factors as information flows through the channel of communication.

There is a need to put in the extra effort to ensure that your message is properly received and interpreted by the other person. Continue to be mindful of other person's feelings and continue to develop your interpersonal communication skills.

Love and Respect

2010-05-30T01:00:00.009+08:00

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Love and respect are abstract, intangible aspects in interpersonal relationships. Everybody wants it, few people get it. It cannot be bought and can only be earned. However, it is something that each and everyone of us craves.

This post talks about the various aspects of respect and how it can strengthen your relationships.

Respect and Friendships

I have noticed in my daily life that love, friendships and respect are aspects that are strongly interlinked. We tend to become good friends if there is something about he or she that i greatly respect or admire. The converse is also true.

Just think about it. Think about your best friend whom you love and treasure very much. There must be something about he or she that you really respect or admire.

This could be their way with people, their intelligence, their analytical ability or maybe even about the way he or she looks. The fact that you respect your best friends shows that love and respect are often connected.

Respect has implications beyond friendships, and extend to relationships in all walks of life such as in marriages, workplace or even in the sporting arena.

Respect and Marriage

Respect is an important component in a successful marriage. One of the most important ingredients for a successful marriage is mutual respect.

Do show appreciation to your significant other for all the little things that he or she does for you. By paying attention to your spouse, you are demonstrating your respect, and your love for them.

Respect and in the Workplace

Respect is also especially important in the workplace.
Disrespect for others in the workplace creates an atmosphere of negativity, which leads to suspicion, hostility, harassment, bullying, malpractices and frustration.

Respect in Sports

A quick Google search of "lack of respect in sports" brings many examples where a lack of respect has led to unpleasent situations such as requests to be traded to another team etc...

In addition, a lack of respect in combat sports is a serious problem when it happens as this may lead to unnecessary brutally when the match is over.

The main objective of this post is to emphasize the fact that love and respect are often interlinked, and this often leads to strong relationships and friendships. This has been demonstrated using examples from friendships, marriages, the workplance as well as in the sporting arena.

Thus, you should always show respect to others, because this will lead to mutual respect. Respect is earned and never given. It does not instant, but earned over a long period of time.

If you are interested, here are some nice Love Quotes and Quotes about Respect.

Three Little Words in Relationships

2010-01-27T20:06:00.022+08:00

Three Little Words in Relationships

There are many things that we can do to lift up and strengthen our interpersonal relationships. One of the most effective techniques involves the use of saying three special words.

1. "I'll Be There"

If you ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there." Being there for another person is one of the greatest gifts that we can give to another.

When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them as well as to ourselves . We are renewed in love, as well as in friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

2. "I Miss You"

Perhaps more marriages could have been saved and strengthen if couples simply and sincerely say these three words to each other. "I miss you."

These three words act as a powerful affirmation that lets partners know that they are wanted, treasured and loved.

3. “I Respect You”

Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. For example, if you were to talk to your children as if they were adults, you will probably strengthen the bonds and become close friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships. Do make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

4. “Maybe You’re Right”

This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe your right" is the humility of admitting, "Maybe I'm wrong".

Let's face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you.

Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.

5. “Please Forgive Me.”

Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures.

A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

6. "I Thank You"

Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness.

On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not
have the attitude of gratitude.

7. "Count On Me"

A true friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient in the recipe for a good friendship. It is the emotional glue that bonds most people.

Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be true and steady friends.

When troubles arise, a true friend is one that says "count on me"

8. "Let Me Help"

Best friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot
a hurt they do what they can to try to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in to help.

9. "I Understand You"

People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them.

Letting your spouse know in so many different ways that you understand them is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship. This applies for any relationship.

10. "I Love You"

Perhaps the most important three words you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to be appreciated and to be wanted.

Your family, your friends and yourself all need to hear these three words. "I Love You"

When spoken or conveyed, these statements have the power to forge new relationships, deepen old ones, and restore relationships that have mellowed.

These three word phases can be used to enrich any relationship. Use them and enjoy better relationships in your life today!

Public Speaking

2009-10-07T19:14:00.019+08:00

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What are some of the tips for better public speaking? Overcome your fear of public speaking and become a better public speaker with these simple tips for public speaking.

Tip 1 - Speak in a Loud and Clear Voice

This is so simple and obvious that it is often forgotten. People have the instinctive fear of public speaking and tend to have the tendency to speak more softely when we are scared.

Speaking confidently in a loud and clear voice is a simple, yet difficult tip to achieve.

Tip 2 - Speak at a Reasonable pace and use Appropriate Pauses

Some people ramble on too fast while others speak too slowly. We should all endevour to speak at a reasonable pace.

Do not be afraid to use appropriate pauses to emphasize certain points as well as to think about your next point.

Tip 3 - Use Hand Gestures

Public speaking in from of an audience does not involve the voice alone. Hand gestures are important as well.

Good use of hand gestures help to add emphasis to the speaker's important points as well as make the speech more interesting.

Tip 4 - Talk Candidly (if possible)

I was watching a good speaker talk about his points when halfway through his speech, he mentioned that he had drifted away from his points. Thats when it hit me! The truely great speakers do not speak from a memorized script. They just speak from the top of their head.

Speak just as if you were talking to a friend.

Follow these four tips in order to become a more effective public speaker.

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I Love You

2009-09-19T00:00:00.006+08:00

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I Love You.

Three words that have transcended emotional core of the human race.

I Love You.

Three words that have transformed the of human history. Three words that can move armies and change the face of human destiny. Three words that can touch lives.

Falling in Love

Falling in love is one of life's great experiences. Everyone wants to be in love. No matter where we are in our lives or what else might occupy our time, we all wish to have someone to love and someone who will love us in return.

Love is...

So what is love? Love refers to emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. Relating to the phase "I love you", love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person.

When we feel that special feeling for someone else, we tend to want to say that special three words to the other person. We think of the other person all the time. It floods our minds and occupies our fleeting thoughts. That special person and those three special words, "I love you".

Love in a Relationship

In a relationship, differences between men and women may cause friction within a loving relationship. For example, a women wants to feel loved and cherished but the man will want to feel competent and respected. Not recognizing such differences might result in problems later in a relationship.

Similarly, recognizing such needs and desires early on can help both parties fulfill each other's needs and desires in a relationship resulted in strengthen bonds and ties.

Love Equals Giving

Pure love is giving by its nature. When a person showers his or her partner with the warmth and tenderness of love, his or her partner will instinctively feel the desire to reciprocate. This creates a positive feedback loop of love and affection. Thus, we should all strive to shower our partners with as much love and affection as possible.

Relationships need Constant Love

Relationships require nourishment in order to grow and develop. Just like plants that require water and sunlight, similarly, our relationships also require constant nourishment and care to flourish. Shower your partner with love and affection, such as affirming your love by saying "I love you".

I wish you a lifetime of endless love and happiness with whoever he or she may be.

Here are some resources that are related to the words "I love you"

Love Quotes from Free Famous Quotes
I Love You in Different Languages
21 Reasons why I Love You
The Art of Seduction from Amazon.com
How to Write a Love Letter from Amazon.com

Pleasure and Pain in Human Behaviour

2009-09-07T11:00:00.011+08:00

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Why do you do the things that you do? Why do you go to work, or relax in front of the television, or meet up with some friends?

What is the motivational factor that drives all human behaviour?

The answer is actually very simple. World renounded success coach Anthony Robbins in his book Awaken the Giant Within has the answer.

We do things in order to avoid pain, as well as to gain pleasure. Let me repeat that again. We do things to to avoid pain and/or to gain pleasure. That sounds so simple that it clouds the deep truth and profound wisdom in the answer.

This provides the answer as to why different people may do different things or have different values. Let me provide an example. Why do some people smoke, but others frown upon it?

This is because the people who smoke link tremendous pleasure to this activity, such as the feeling of being "cool" or "hip". However, other people may link tremendous pain to the activity, such as coughing, or getting lung cancer.

The point that i am trying to make is, all of us are driven by the need to gain pleasure, as well as the need to avoid pain.

Understanding this principle will allow you to become more understanding and empathetic to the actions and behaviors of other people. If can also help you to improve the quality of your own life by getting you to take action on the things that you know that you need to do.

For example, we all seek to improve our relationships with our loved ones, but not everybody makes the effort to spend time with them. We know that we seek to improve our relationships, because of the pleasure and good feelings that we get when our relationships are strong.

However, we do not act on this instinct as this feeling of pleasure is overwhelmed by the even greater feeling of immediate pleasure that playing a video game or watching some television may bring.

What we need to do is to try to strengthen our associations between pleasure and relationships, as well as to link some pain into not having strong relationships.

Think of what it might feel like to be distant to your loved ones, and you might find that this might motivate you to put in the necessary effort in your relationships or whatever you want to achieve in your life.

The pain and pleasure principle is extremely simple yet powerful. Understanding this principle and applying it in your daily life will not only allow you to change your behaviour, it will also allow you to improve the quality of your life.

If you are interested in reading more about Anthony Robbins, you might also enjoy some quotes by Anthony Robbins
If you are interesting in reading more about human needs, you might enjoy my post about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Make the Other Person Feel Important and do it Sincerely

2009-08-22T15:04:00.016+08:00

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How to make people like you instantly.

In my previous post "How to Win Friends and Influence People", we have explored the first five ways to make people like you, and they are

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

In this post, we will explore the one all important law of human conduct. This law will bring us countless friends and constant happiness if followed, and endless trouble if broken. The law is,

Always Make the Other Person Feel Important

As humans, all of us crave to be appreciated. I am not referring to cheap insincere flattery here, but honest sincere appreciation.

The truth is that almost everybody that you meet feel that they are superior to you in some way. Why not let them realize in a subtle way that you recognise their importance and recognise it sincerely.

Show Respect to Others

Always show respect to others. Fill your vocabulary with phases such as "I'm sorry to trouble you," "Would you be so kind as to -" "Won't you please?" "Would you mind" and "Thank you."

Little courtesies like these grease the gears of everyday life and make our daily existance a nice and smoother one.

As humans, we should do our best to try and radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation to others, even if we do not get anything in return. The fact that you managed to make someone feel a tiny bit better about themselves is reward enough.

Why not say something nice to somebody else. It could be a family member, a friend, or even a complete stranger. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.

Make someone else happy, today.

If you enjoyed this post, don't forget to subscribe or bookmark it! :)

Relationship Advice

2009-08-08T15:19:00.010+08:00

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After being in a successful relationship for almost 2 years and on the verge of getting married, I thought I would share some important relationship advice on how to maintain a strong relationship with your partner.

1) Be Understanding –

Relationships have their ups and downs. No two people are perfect, and everybody is different. You should not expect your partner to share your point of view for all things.

The key is to try to be understanding to the other person’s feelings and to try to take the other person’s point of view. Compromise. Adopt the other person’s point of view more often and you should see more improvement in your relationships.

2) Make the Extra Effort –

Relationships don’t sustain themselves automatically. A plant requires nourishment and sunlight to grow, similarly, relationships require lots of nurturing for them to develop and grow. And all of this nurturing requires lots of time and extra effort for them to develop.

In life, we often times take our closest loved ones for granted, and don’t put in the necessary time to develop our relationships with them. Do make the extra effort to make time for your loved ones today.

3) Be Interesting (Or at least try to be interesting) –

In many relationships, couples fall into a rut of doing the same things again and again. That coupled with the stagnation as a result of familiarity results in boredom in a relationship.

Periodically do something different or interesting to excite your partner. Go for a weekend getaway, do something nice for your partner for no reason. Avoid falling into that mundane ruet that many couples tend to fall into.

Relationships in an important aspect of our lives and we need to take the effort to nature them. These three simple relationship advice may require some effort to follow, but might provide much more joy and satisfaction to your relationships.

You might also enjoy some Funny Dating Quotes.
You might also enjoy the post: "Can Money Really Buy Happiness?"

Become a People Person at Work

2009-07-26T14:01:00.010+08:00

The most difficult thing about working in an office is often not the job itself, but dealing with other people. This is the main reason why most job requirements these days have requirements such as

- The ability to relate to people of all levels
- Have a good team spirit and a pleasant personality
- Able to work independently and good people management skills

- Good communication & interpersonal skills
- Able to communicate well and able to work with people from various levels

From these actual sample job requirements above, it is clear good interpersonal communication skills is a essential requirement of the modern day corporate executive.

Here are some helpful tips that might be helpful in the workplace.

• Do treat your co-workers with respect

Treat your coworkers as your equals, no matter what their position within your organization. All people are equal; they just have different jobs. The way you treat other people is important in building interpersonal relationships.

Believe in this and believe in this each and every working day. You will develop a network of co-workers whom like and respect you in turn.

• Do keep your promises

If you say you will do something, then do it. People will need to depend upon you and the deadlines to which you commit. Again, it is a matter of developing trust. Similarly, when working on a project together, always put forth your best effort. Be the person who is willing to go that extra mile to strengthen the collaboration and the outcome or product.

• Do exhibit total professionalism at work

Never participate in the gossip of co-workers behind their backs. People will only trust you and if they know that what they tell you is safe in your hands. Cooporation at work only works when trust is present.

Similarly, never back-stab or blind-side a co-worker. If you have a problem with their actions, talk to that person directly and in private.

If you let your ally down, you could spend years redeveloping the relationship, if trust at the prior level is ever again even possible. Resolve any conflicts or disputes at the earliest opportunity. Unresolved conflict festers just under the surface in organizations. Unresolved conflict undermines alliance-building and mutual, purposeful progress toward accomplishing personal and organizational missions.

• Do your job well

If you do your job well, and with sincerity, you will succeed. You will not need office politics to help you succeed (or at least need it to a much less extent). Therefore, do your job well, and hopefully you will influence other people at your workplace to do likewise.

Effective communication forms the foundation for positive working relationships. Open lines of communication keep information, opinions and support flowing.

Put yourself in the shoes of your colleagues and respect their point of view which may be different from your own. Treat your co-workers with respect and keep your promises. Resolve any conflicts or disputes at the earliest opportunity, and do your job well.

Persuasion Tactics Simplified

2009-07-12T15:25:00.001+08:00

Interested in using simple tactics to persuade others?

If you were a product development manager who was interested in raising the sales of your product, what would you do? Would you give the consumer more choices to choose from?

Logically, the more choices given to a customer, the better the expected sales. However, do you know that offering people more might make them want it less?

According to research conducted by behavioral scientist Sheena Lyengar, employees of a given company were asked to select mutual funds for a voluntary retirement plan.

The results show that the more mutual funds choices that the employees were given, the lower was the participation rate. When only two funds were offered, the level of participation was about 75%. However, when fifty nine funds were offered, the level of participation dropped down to about 60%.

This counter-intuitive result stems from the fact that when people are offered too many choices, this frustrates the decision making process, resulting in a reduced interest in the product.

This phenomenon transcends itself in supermarkets as well. According to an experiement conducted at a local supermarket, when the number of flavors of jams was reduced from twenty-four to six, the percentage of people who actually made a purchase increased from 3 percent to 30 percent.

This simple persuasion strategy appears in advertisement as well.

In a study conducted by Michaela Wanke, students were asked to compare an ad for BMW that states:

"BMW or Mercedes? There are many reasons to choose a BMW. Can you name 10?"

against a slightly modified ad

"BMW or Mercedes? There are many reasons to choose a BMW. Can you name ONE?"

Afterward, the students were asked to give their opinions about BMW and Mercedes. Surprisingly, the first advertisement that asked for 10 reasons resulted in generally lower evaluations of BMW and higher evaluations of Mercedes compared to the modified ad.

So, what is the reason for this result?

It is speculated that when the students were asked to come up with only a single reason for the BMW, they had an easier task as compared to the more difficult task of naming ten reasons. Hence, rather than using the number of reasons to evaluate the car brands, the participants instead based their judgment on the ease or difficulty of the assigned task to make their selection.

This result reinforces the main idea of this post, which is often times, the most effective persuasion tactic or strategy is the more simpler one. People inherently like easy solutions in life. Simplify your persuasive arguments by leaving out all the unnecessary clutter and just present the clear facts and simple alternatives.

The Persuasion Power of Social Proof

2009-06-27T10:36:00.010+08:00

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In my previous post, "The Art of Persuasion", we have gained an understanding of the importance of persuasion.

In this post, we look at harnessing the power of social proof in increasing the effectiveness of your persuasion.

Firstly, what is "Social Proof"? Wikipedia states that social proof is is a psychological phenomenon that occurs in ambiguous social situations when people are unable to determine the appropriate mode of behavior.

It means that in many common situations such as shopping at a supermarket, driving in a traffic jam or browsing at a public library, people will pick up social cues on the appropriate response based on the actions of others.

This phenomenon assumes that surrounding people possess more knowledge about the situation, and will deem the behavior of others as appropriate or better informed.

Social influence in general can lead to conformity of large groups of individuals in either correct or mistaken choices, a phenomenon sometimes referred to as herd behavior.

Many different examples of social proof exist. For example:

Certain nightclubs and bars employ social proof in an effective manner in order to increase the popularity of their venues.

By deliberately reducing the rate of entry, this artificially causes the line to be longer, thus customers might perceive this long line as a positive signal of the place's desirability. This might be the case while in fact the venue might be mediocre and nowhere near its full capacity.

Similarly, television shows and theaters use social proof to increase the effectiveness of their offerings.

Television shows increase the perceived "funniness" of a show by merely playing canned laughter at key "funny" moments.

Theaters similarly sometimes use audience members, specially planted within the audience who are instructed to give ovations at pre-arranged times. Such ovations might be perceived by non-expert audience members as signals of the performance's quality.

Now that we have established the existence and validity of social proof, how can we use social proof to improve the persuasiveness of our arguments? To learn how the large organizations use this, let us look at a few examples.

When you pass by a nearby McDonalds, you might notice a sign stating "Billions and billions served" The local KFC advertisement at my area states that "Millions of taste buds can't be wrong". These advertisements use the power of social proof to persuade others to take a desired course of action.

There is little doubt that other people's behavior is a powerful source of social influence. Do take advance of the persuasive power of the herd. It costs very little to apply, and all it takes is to change a few words in your advertisement, speech or argument.

The Art of Persuasion

2009-06-10T21:11:00.016+08:00

In the art of persuasion, there is a small and simple word that everybody craves.

The word is "yes".

Just because that yes is simple and understandable, that does not mean that we should be fooled into believing that anybody can obtain it easily from another person.

In Robert Cialdini's book Influence: Science and Practice, he talks about the six universal principles of social influence. Let us take a look at what these six principles are.

1) Reciprocation - The feeling of obligation to return favours performed for us.

2) Authority - Looking towards the guidance of experts to show us the way.

3) Commitment/Consistency - The feeling that each individual has of acting consistently with their own commitments and values.

4) Scarcity - The less available a resource, the more people will want it.

5) Liking - The more we like a person, the more we want to say yes to them.

6) Social Proof - Looking to the behaviour of others to guide ones behaviour.

These six principles act as the foundation for the majority of successful social influence strategies. Aside from these six factors, there are also many other persuasion techniques that are based on psychological factors.

Everyone persuades for a living. There is no way around it. Whether if you are a sales professional, an entrepreneur, or even a stay at home parent, if you are unable to convince others to your way of thinking, you will be constantly left behind.

Donald Trump said it best, "Study the art of persuasion. Practice it. Develop an understanding of its profound value across all aspects of life."

In upcoming posts, we will be looking at some tips and strategies that each and everyone of us can utilise in our everyday lives to influence and persuade.

The Persuasion Power of Social Proof

Talk in terms of the other person's interests

2009-05-16T22:13:00.022+08:00

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In Dale Carnegie's international best seller, How to Win Friends and Influence People, we have seen how we can become more likable by Become Genuinely Interested in Other People.

In this post, we will build upon this post by exploring the aspect of talking in terms of the other person's interests.

To be successful in relationships, a person will need to learn to talk in terms of the other person's interests. This rule holds true in many instances from social situations where you are meeting someone for the very first time, to married couples.

We cannot achieve this if we have no idea what the other person truly values, cares about or is really interested in.

Let the other person do most of the talking by asking questions and them listening to them actively and connecting with them at the level of what they value. You should have a genuine interest in the other person. Then, and only then, can you sincerely talk in terms of the other person’s interest.

Similarly, this piece of advice even holds true when giving a speech: The speech isn’t about you. It isn’t even about your expertise. It’s about your audience and how they can benefit from what you say.

According to Howard Z. Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications, talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties. When you take the time and effort to find out what interests the person you are speaking to, the reward will be an enlargement of your life each time you speak to someone.

You've probably heard of the Golden Rule, which is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Why not apply this rule to the area of interpersonal communication? Author Tony Allesandra has come up with the Platinum Rule, which is "Treat others the way they want to be treated." This is an important rule that can help guide the way in which you treat others.

This article is one of the six ways to make people like you as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog.

If you like this article, you might also enjoy

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Conversation Tips

2009-05-02T01:17:00.013+08:00

We engage in numerous conversations in our daily lives. Thus, it is important to learn good habits for engaging in a conversation.

Here are three conversation tips that can help. They focus on Listening, Leading as well as identifying Non Verbal Cues.

Listen and Pause before Speaking

When you are listening to someone, it is often times a good idea to pause before you start talking. When you are listening, if you could wait just a little bit longer before you start speaking, you might find that the other person has not finished. They will often speak just a little bit longer, and what you're doing is that you're demonstrating really good listening skills when you do this.

Secondly, you are showing the other person that you care enough to really listen. When you pause before speaking, that silence, even if it lasts for five seconds, creates anticipation and also encourages the other person to pay attention. This adds to the depth of your conversation.

Lead and Pace with Emotion

It is good when you are having a conversation, to take charge and lead a conversation. Lead a conversation with pace and with emotion. You achieve this by speaking with enthusiasm.

By smiling, and by speaking with energy and enthusiasm, you become almost irresistible to the other person. He or she will not be able to resist following you. Leading with emotion and sets the pace for a new level of interest and excitement.

Address Non Verbal Feedback

The final conversational tip is to pay attention and to address non verbal feedback that exists in all conversations.

Lets say that you are talking to someone, and that person says, "That's very interesting, I'm really interested in that." But if you really pay attention, you can see that the voice tone and body language does not match what she says. So by paying attention to the non verbal feedback, you will know that she is not really interested.

So how do you address that? You can address it directly if you know the person well. You could say "Well, you don't sound very interested, would you like to talk about something different?" or you could simply change the topic of conversation automatically because you know that the other person really isn't that interested. So that is what i mean by addressing non verbal feedback.

Don't just pay attention to what the other person is saying, Watch and adjust your approach depending on the body language.

Utilize these conversation tips in your everyday life in order to become a better conversationalist. If you are interested in learning more about this topic, you might consider checking out my post on Social Situations and Small Talk. You could also check out my post on First Impressions as well as the followup post on How to Make a Great First Impression.

Improve Your Communication Skills

2009-04-19T11:29:00.008+08:00

Communication skills is an important aspects of our life, be it when we are engaging with our partners, our friends or our work colleagues.

Being able to inspire other individuals through your communication will allow your life to become more fruitful and enriched. As such, it is important to constantly seek to improve your communication skills.

Here are five tips on how you can improve your communication skills and become a better communicator.

1) Ask Open Ended Questions

In order to allow your conversation to flow, it is useful to use the technique of asking open-ended questions. Open-ended questions often start with words such as “when”, “what” and “why”. An example of an open-ended question is a statement such as: “So, what are some of your favorite foods?”

It is best to avoid the closed-question. An example of the closed-question is a statement such as “Do you like to read”, which only invokes a yes or no type of response. Nothing kills a conversation quite like a closed question, because it can only be answered with a yes or no answer. Thus, do use more open-ended questions and this will hopefully lead to more free-flowing conversations.

2) Employ Active Listening

Active listening is a really useful technique as it lets the other person know that you’ve really listened to what they have been saying.

More importantly, it also conveys to the other person that you have understood what the other person is trying to say. The post "The T hree Different Levels of Listening" elaborates more about the importance of listening as well as more characteristics of active listening.

Active listeners follow a conversation and are able to summarize the essence of what the other person is trying to say, guiding the conversation forward.

3) Engage With The Other Person

If someone else is trying to engage you in a conversation, your body language is really important. Try not to continue with the task that you are already doing. Instead, what you should do is to stop whatever it is that you are doing and face the other individual, and give them the time which they deserve.

Remember that good communication involves engaging with the other individual. Give them the time and respect that they deserve.

4) Don’t Make Assumptions

Do not jump to conclusions when you are in a conversation with someone. Don’t assume that you know what they are thinking or what they might feel about a particular topic. Instead, it is much better to ask them if they are ok with this or if they feel all right about that.

Take that person’s thoughts and beliefs into careful consideration and rather than projecting your own thoughts and feelings on them. Remember, don’t make assumptions.

5) Avoid Using Antagonistic Sentences

An example of an antagonistic sentence is, “You’re sitting in my chair.” An antagonistic sentence can be seen as a form of attack on the other individual.

Hence, it is much better to use softer and less direct sentences such as “Excuse me, I think you’ve taken my seat.” This approach is much less confrontational and which will mean that you are more likely to encounter a lot fewer conflicts in your life.

In this post, we have seen five tips on how we can improve on our communication skills. Actually, it is not that difficult to improve your communication skills. All we have to do is to be genuinely interested in the other person. A smile here and there goes a long way.

Follow these guidelines and soon you will be on the path to better interpersonal communication skills.

What is Important in your Life?

2009-04-04T13:30:00.007+08:00

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The world is coming to an end!...

…according to the program “Apocalypse Now”, which is a program from the discovery channel.

According to that program, the world can come to an end in a number of ways.

For example, a black hole could easily destroy us. Certain black holes move through space at tremendous speeds.
A black hole could be headed towards us right now and swallow the entire world up in an instance. Even if it does not hit us, it might push the earth out of its current orbit into deep space where we might freeze in a couple of weeks or nearer to the sun where we might be roasted.

The formation of a black hole similarly causes an intense burst of gamma ray radiation. Such a burst, if aimed directly at earth, could eliminate all of what we call biology as we know it.

The earth itself is also subject to cyclic fluctuations in its climate. It seems like for the past ten thousand years or so, we are currently experiencing a warm phase. Soon, the pendulum will inevitably swing back and the earth will be faced with an ice age again.

If all of the above does not get us, the death of our sun when it starts burns out surely will.

What is the purpose of all of saying all this?

We are a mere flicker in the span of cosmic time. From the words of Shakespeare's famous work,

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances..."

The point which I am trying to make is: What is important in your life?

This world will not last forever. Even if we were to discover the secret of eternal life, this world which we know as earth will not last forever. Even if you could accumulate a wealth of material items, it will all become meaningless at the end.

If so, you will need to ask yourself the golden question, "What is important in my life?" If you are able to answer this, then you might have stumbled onto a small glimpse of that the meaning of life really is.

When i ask myself that very question, the answer is very clear to me. My family and loved ones are the most important in my life. They are the source of my happiness. In times of difficulty, they are the people whom i turn to and the people who i trust the most.

Yet, often times, many of us take our family and loved ones for granted. We often prioritize stuff that are less important such as work or a television program, while neglecting that all important time that should be spent with our family and loved ones. We also tend to have less patience with our loved ones and get angry more easily.

Am i saying that this is wrong, not really. What i want to highlight here the following:

1) Our loved ones should be, and is one of the most important aspects of our lives
2) We often times take our loved ones for granted
3) We need to actively take the time and effort to improve our relationships with our loved ones.

Take the time to talk and show appreciation to your family and loved ones. Use some of the effective communication tips as mentioned in the Better Interpersonal Communication blog. Remember, this world will not last forever, so what is really important in your life?

If you enjoyed this post, don't forget to bookmark this blog, stumble this post or check out some of my other posts.

Some guiding principles that will help you to find more meaning in life
Finding Meaning in Your Life

Showing Appreciation with the Honest Scrap Award

2009-03-21T18:25:00.005+08:00

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In a previous post, we've looked at Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation and how it is essential in interpersonal communication.

In this post, i will be showing my appreciation to bloggers that have enriched my life in some way or another.

Firstly, i would like to show my appreciation to Rick from Rick's World for awarding me with the "Honest Scrap" award.

Rick's blog is filled with great writing and it is an honour to be nominated by him. As bloggers, we put in so much effort in our blogs and its lovely to be acknowledged for your work from time to time through nice gestures of appreciation such as what Rick has done.

The requirements of this award are as follows:

“This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.”

Again, quoting from Rick’s blog, here are the requirements:

- When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to the said person so everyone knows she/he is real.
- Choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends. Show the seven random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
- List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!”

Here are the ten honest things about myself

1) I am a positive person
2) I believe in the power of positive thinking
3) I believe that we should all constantly try to improve oneself
4) I look towards the good in a person
5) I believe that generally speaking, each individual is inherently good on the inside
6) I have had my share of problems with other people
7) This has led me to realise the importance of interpersonal communication
8) I lead a blessed life with a caring family and a loving girlfriend
9) I enjoy watching the UFC and playing poker
10) I wish that the world could become an even better place for one and all.

The first blog that i would like to highlight would be Communication Exchange by Patricia Rockwell. As a former communications teacher, Patricia makes comprehensive posts about a wide range of communication related issues. She has been a constant supporter of my blog and I appreciate it very much.

Next, I would like to highlight CK from A Singaporean in London. An active blogger with a huge following on the blog-o-sphere. His blog is filled with interesting insights from a Singaporean living in London. Coincidentally i might be going there later this year. Hope to meet up sometime.

The next blog that i would like to highlight is by Kerrilee, entitled Lazy Bear Blogs. I really like the design of this site. The fact that it has comprehensive articles makes the blog all that much greater!

Next, i would like to highlight Monica's blog mysignsoflife. Her old catchphrase on her blog used to read "Did anybody tell you they loved you today?" which was extremely meaningful. It has since evolved to become "The Truly Educated Never Graduate ~ Thoughts on Living, Loving, Learning, Attitude & Gratitude…" Interesting posts, well worth checking out!

Health Nut Wannabe Mom is a blog by Heidi that is about health nutrition and weight loss tips. It is such a great blog that in the last week, it has been the recipient of the "Heart and Soul" award awarded to blogs that have touched that person. Truely a great blog.

Discipline or Regret is Andrew Scott's quest to achieve a fitter and healthier life. I enjoy the concept of his blog tremendously as i feel very strongly that life is all about discipline or regret. It takes discipline to do the right thing so as to avoid the regret that will follow. Its all about resisting the temptations of short term gains to achieve the long term benefits.

Womensselfesteem.com's Blog is a blog by Dorothy that talks about womens self-esteem and confidence. Her blog is filled with lovely pictures and positive thoughts. Just lovely!!!

Help to make the world a better place by spreading some love!!!

The Causes of Miscommunication in Daily Life

2009-03-09T23:13:00.016+08:00

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Miscommunication frequently occur in our daily lives. This is a result of many different factors as information is transmitted through the channel of communication.

In my previous post “Understanding the Communication Process”, we have looked at the channels of communication and how it can be distorted by noise. In this post, we will be exploring the different causes of miscommunication that occur in our daily life and how it might lead to miscommunication.

The one of the most common reasons for miscommunication would be because one word could have multiple meanings. For example, a draft could mean rough work, a bank draft, or even a strong current of wind.

In addition, a statement could simply be misinterpreted based on its context. For example, consider a statement such as “Let us leave now.” To the receiver, this may mean “Let us leave immediately”, while to the sender, this statement may mean “Let us start preparations to leave now.” Such situations are most common the office where people are under stress and time constraints. Miscommunications of this sort inevitability happen and are a root cause of many of the conflicts and misunderstandings that occur at the office.

Another cause of miscommunications would be because one word can sound similar to another. For instance, a simple example would be “I want to play” which sounds similar to “I want to stay.” This situation is further exasperated by the increasingly globalize world where technological advances have made it possible for many different cultures to be able to work and interact together. Different accents may result in communication difficulties.

Human moods could also play a large factor in miscommunication. A person in a foul mood may easily interpret the most innocuous statement as something filled with malice. Hence, it is important to consider the non-verbal aspects of communication as importantly as you would consider what a person says.

Cultural and environmental upbringing could be another factor. For example, a word or gesture in a certain culture could mean something obscene in another culture or context. For example, the V - sign may seem like a universal symbol of victory, peace and love, but may be considered rude in certain parts of the world such as Italy.

In conclusion, miscommunications occur when one side doesn’t communicate enough information to us, or when we misinterpret the meaning of certain words or gestures. Do put in the time and effort to ensure that your message is properly received and interpreted by the other person.

Keep an open and alert mind, continue to develop more effective interpersonal skills and you will definitely be able to avoid the pitfalls of miscommunication in our everyday lives.

Stamp out anxiety and depression from your life

2009-02-15T10:03:00.025+08:00

Stamp out anxiety and depression from your life today!

To begin, let us explore the definitions of anxiety and depression.

Worry is to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret.

Anxiety is defined as the distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune; while

Depression is a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

Hence from the definitions above, we can clearly see that worry is the root cause of anxiety and depression. Worrying about things leads to the distress of the mind which is anxiety. Over a sustained period of time, this leads to a condition of sustained general emotional dejection which is known as depression.

To sum up, worrying about things leads to anxiety which eventually leads to depression.

Thus, to eliminate anxiety and depression in your life, we have got to learn how to stamp out worry first!

In life, we are constantly plagued by numerous worries of all shapes and sizes. Some can be huge and serious, like worrying about a life threatening illness, while others can be tiny, like worrying if your favorite weekly program is going to be broadcast as scheduled. Regardless of the situation, we are always confronted by situations that may cause us worry.

So, how do we eliminate worry from our lives? One technique that i always use is to shift your focus on to the other person. Ever wondered why people involved in care-giving or charity work usually seem so happy? This is because people in these occupations focus their concerns on the other person, and hence have exhausted their capacity to worry about themselves.

You could also check out this 3 step formula entitled "A Magical Formula to Stop All Worry Situations", which is a post specially designed to abolish the problem of worry from your life.

In short, we CAN stamp out anxiety and depression from our lives!! And we can achieve this by controlling worry in our lives.

Follow the above method of shifting your focus onto the other person as well as the 3 step formula, and this will definitely help to eliminate all the worry from your life... :)

If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy
A Magical Formula to Stop All Worry Situations
The Power of a Smile
How to Win Friends and Influence People

The Role of Communication within Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

2009-02-08T17:20:00.002+08:00

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This post talks about the concept of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, and how communication fits into his hierarchy of needs.

First, a summary of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

It can be represented as a pyramid with 5 levels. Top of the pyramid represents the person who has reached his or her full potential or as what Maslow calls it, "Self Actualization." In order to achieve this level of "Self Actualization," you will need to fulfill all the levels.

If you fail to fulfill a certain level, you get stuck or drop down to that level.

The five levels are namely,
1) Physiological
2) Safety
3) Social
4) Esteem
5) Actualization

Lets look at the first level of needs, physiological needs.

This bottom level of needs is related to immediate survival. These needs are necessary for a human to survive and include things like sleeping and eating.

People stuck at this level include people such as nomads, who spend all their effort focused on this level, and don't have time for anything else.

The next level deals with safety needs.

With one's immediate survival needs being satisfied, a person would turn to the needs of this next level, which deals with long term survival needs. These are mainly safety and security needs

For example, if you are jobless, your focus is on finding a job, cos if you don't find a job, your survival will be threatened.

After immediate needs and safety needs are taken care of, the next level of needs are social needs. This next level of needs are love and belonging needs. If your survival is not threatened, a person would naturally start seeking friendship, family and sexual intimacy.

Remember, if one of the needs at the lower levels are not met, that person will fall back to the previous level and will seek to satisfy the more urgent needs of that particular level.

The next level is esteem needs. This level relates to how people feel about you and how you feel about yourself. This is a higher level need that relates to one's self-esteem or sense of self. Once a person reaches this level, that person will seek accomplishments in order to fulfill the higher level need of gaining a sense of self respect and self worth.

This is the driving force that pushes athletes to strive to be the best in the world, entrepreneurs to create a world class empire for themselves and rich people to donate to foundations in order to have buildings and libraries named after them.

So, how does communication relate to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? It has a huge impact in level 3 (social) and some impact in level 4 (esteem). I have left out the highest level of self-actualization as it is implicitly implied that the highest level of needs is all inclusive.

Social needs relate to gaining love and belonging, and this is intrinsically linked to interpersonal communication.

To quote John Donne: "No man is an island". We all seek the love and understanding that another human being brings to us.

Communication is important in each of our lives, from small talk, to the intimate conversation of lovers. In order to gain the love and affection that we all crave, we've gotta learn to be interested in other people in return, and to always keep a nice smile on your face. This will help is fulfill our social and esteem needs and allow us to shift our focus towards needs of a higher level.

If you have enjoyed this post, please remember to subscribe to this blog, bookmark it or check out some other excellent articles from the Top Posts section. Thanks.

Book Review: What They Dont Teach You At Harvard Business School

2009-01-24T11:29:00.011+08:00

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Author: Mark H. McCormack

What They Don't Teach You At Harvard Business School: Notes From A Street-Smart Executive

Content: 8.5/10
Useful Tips from the firing lines of experience

Readability: 9/10
It is well written and the numerous stories are rather interesting.

Overall Ranking: 17.5/20
Overall a good read for people who want to learn from the real life experience and not a textbook.

This book stems from the perspective of the author Mark H. McCormack's experience at the head of his sports management company IMG (International Management Group), where he and his company represent sporting clients and events such as Arnold Palmer and Wimbledon.

The preface of the book contains the following statement.

"As an introduction to business, an MBA, is a worthwhile endeavor. But as an education, as part of an ongoing learning process, it is at best a foundation and at worst a naive form of arrogance."

The preface continues to say that the ins and outs of everyday business life are largely a self-learning process, though the experience of someone like the author Mark McCormack might make the learning shorter, easier, and a lot less painful.

This book proceeds share McCormack's experiences of the business world through short sections of advice which is usually illustrated to a real life example. It is separated into three main sections and fourteen subsections. They are

What They Don't Teach You At Harvard Business School: Notes From A Street-Smart Executive

Part One: People
1. Reading People
2. Creating Impressions
3. Taking the Edge
4. Getting Ahead

Part Two: Sales and Negotiations
5. The Problem of Selling
6. Timing
7. Silence
8. Marketability
9. Stratagems
10. Negotiating

Part Three: Running a Business
11. Building a Business
12. Staying in Business
13. Getting Things Done
14. For Entrepreneurs Only

Overall, i feel that this book is definitely a useful guide for most people as it includes sections on human relationships, salesmanship as well as tips for people who want to get their business on track. Not a bad alternative to paying for one of the online MBA programs.
Well worth your time and effort.

The Three Different Levels of Listening

2009-01-10T12:12:00.013+08:00

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Listening skills is one of the key essential ingredients in effective communication. There exist many different levels of listening, from listening on and off, to active listening.

When we are engaged in a conversation, it is extremely easy to pay little to no attention to what the other person is actually saying. We can easily become distracted by other thoughts and things which are happening around us. We might even be thinking about what we are going to say next.

Let us consider the breakdown of the various common elements involved in communication.

40% - Listening
35% - Talking
16% - Reading
9% - Writing

Thus we can clearly observe that listening is indeed an important communication skill which has to be learnt.

Listening gives our loved ones the feeling of being appreciated and respected. Ordinary conversations emerge on a deeper level, as do our relationships. When we listen, we foster the skill in others by acting as a model for positive and effective communication.

Many people believe themselves to be good listeners, but in reality, there is always room for substantial improvement. Tests have shown that, on average, normal adult human beings only really hear ONE THIRD of the words spoken to them.

All of us listen in different ways at different times. We listen better in some situations than in others. For example, some people listen effectively in the job, but stop listening when they get home.

Each level of listening requires a certain level of concentration and sensitivity. These levels are general categories into which people fall.

Depending on the situation or the person, these different levels of listening may mix together. In this article, i have categorized the levels of listening into three different levels.

As we move from level one to level three, our potential for understanding, retention and effective communication increases. We began to develop our listening style very early in life. As we grow older, we continue to strengthen our listening habits and patterns.

How many of us give any thought to our own personal listening style? The following may help you to evaluate your listening approach in most situations.

Level One

This basic level includes

- Listening on and off

- Tuning in and tuning out

- Being aware of the presence of others, but mainly paying attention to yourself.

- Half listening. Following the discussion only long enough to get a chance to talk.

- Quiet, passive listening

- Listening, but not responding. Little effort is made to listen; actually, hearing is going on but very little real listening is going on.

Often, a person at this level is making believe that he is paying more attention while really, he or she is thinking of other things. They are generally more interested in talking, rather than listening.

Level Two

At the second level, the individual hears sounds and words, but does not really listen deeply. At this level, people stay at the surface of communication and do not listen to the deeper meaning of what is being said.

They are trying to hear what the speaker is saying, but they are not making the effort to understand what the speaker means. They tend to be more concerned with content rather than feelings. They do not really participate in the conversation.

This level of listening can be dangerous because misunderstandings may occur since the listener is only slightly concentrating on what is said. At level three, it is obvious that the person is not listening by the way the person acts; however, at level two, this is harder to tell and the speaker may have the false sense that the other person is really listening, when he is not.

Level Three

This level includes active listening. At this level, people try to put themselves in the speakers place - they try to see things from the other person's point of view.

Some characteristics of this level include: taking in only the main ideas, acknowledging and answering, not letting yourself be distracted, paying attention to the speaker's total communication - including body language.

Active listening requires that you listen not only for the content of what is being spoken but, more importantly, for what the meaning and feelings of the speaker are. You do this by showing that you are really listening both verbally and nonverbally.

It is ironic that the passive skill of listening is a core component of good communication. Listen skills is an important step to developing your communication skills. Posts like "Establishing Effective Communication Skills" highlights the importance of listening skills in communication. Interpersonal skills are indeed important in our everyday life. With time and practice, you will definitely before a more effective and successful communicator.

If you have enjoyed this post, don't forget to bookmark it. Thanks.

You might also be interested in
Who's Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success--and Won't Let You Fail
.

Social Situations and Small Talk

2008-12-31T17:24:00.010+08:00

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As humans, we are frequently required to attend a whole host of social functions where we are required to interact with groups of strangers. Most of us could use some help in such social situations.

Wouldn't it be nice become a better conversationalist in the art of small talk?

In a previous post, "First Impressions", the importance of making a good first impression was highlighted. This was followed up with the post "How to Make a Great First Impression" where we looked at some tips on how to achieve this.

In this post, we will be exploring the next step in socializing which is making the art of making small talk.

What is small talk?

It is an easy going, light hearted and casual conversation about everyday happenings. It deals with general topics and everybody should be able to participate in the conversation.

How do you begin?

Well, asking a question is always a great place to start. Ask open ended questions which trigger a response. Alternatively, you could always make a statement, state a fact or give an opinion.

Here are some dos and don'ts of small talk.

Do talk about

- Business
- Situation
- Travel
- Background
- Food
- Sports
- Cars
- Movies
- Entertainment
- Hobbies

Avoid talking about

- Religion
- Politics
- Personal Questions (age and income)
- Appearance
- Race
- Inappropriate Jokes

Here are some things you could do to be better at engaging in small talk

Practice Practice Practice:

Engage in conversation with people whom you come across, be it cashiers, waiters, people you're in line with, come across or encounter, be it neighbors, co-workers or even kids.

Chat with people dissimilar to yourself, from seniors to teens to tourists. Force yourself to get into small talk situations. Accept invitations, or even host your own very own meeting or gathering.

Be Well Read and More Involved:

How do expect to contribute to and be involved in a conversation if you are ignorant of the issues? Television, music, sports, fashion, art and poetry are great topics for everyday conversation. Everything is a source of information that can be discussed. Noticed that the people most skilled in conversation usually have an opinion for most topics.

Even if you don't like something, that too can be an interesting source for a conversation. Expand your horizons. Try japanese food, play pinball, paint, or even bake a pie. Try something new every day.

Become a Better Listener:

Listen more than you talk. Attentive listening can bring up many opportunities for making small talk. Did she just say that she suffers from migraines? Did he mention his favorite football team? Take your time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember the other person's name names and use it frequently.

Remember, the more you practice, the better you are at it. The more you know, the more you know you can talk about. The more you listen, the more you can focus on the other person's interests. This will help you become more confidence, overcome any traces of shyness and any feelings of fear.

Small talk can and is a huge challenge for most people. However, some preparation and confidence is all that you require to be successful at it. A skilled small talker will come across being more friendly and open, as compared to a person who does not say much during social situations.

If you have enjoyed this post, please remember to subscribe to this blog, bookmark it or check out some other excellent articles from the Top Posts section. Thanks.

Remembering A Person's Name

2008-12-20T10:42:00.013+08:00

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Dale Carnegie, is his famous international best seller, How to Win Friends and Influence People has listed down "six ways to make people like you". Lets explore one of them.

Our name is an extremely vital part of our own self image. It identifies who you are. It is your shout out to the world. Our name is a means of identification. We use it when we affix our signature, on any report we turn in, on our tax returns.

Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together.

Remembering a name not only creates instant familiarity and connection to the other person, it is also a subtle and effective complement. It implies of the importance of the other person such that time and effort has been taken to remember one's name.

On the other hand, if you have met someone and meet them later and have not taken the trouble to remember his or her name, that person will think you have no interest in him or her.

"Good manners," said Emerson, "are made up of petty sacrifices."

Now that we've established the importance of remembering a person's name, lets look at some techniques that can help us remember names better.

In order to remember a name, you could form mental imagery that sounds like the name. The more ridiculous the image, the easier it is for you to recall.
It is also important to picture that person in the scene. This will help you to associate that person to the ridiculous scene which triggers off your recognition of that person's name.

Later, when you are alone, you should write down the person's name on a piece of paper. This will give you a written impression of the name. You could also say it aloud a couple of times giving you a spoken impression of the person's name.

Remembering names is an important social skill. Mastering this skill can offer a distinct advantage in your business as well as in your personal lives. The secret to remembering names is to make the extra effort to review, relate, repeat and record the names and associations of people for easier recall.

This article is one of the six ways to make people like you as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog.

If you like this article, you might also enjoy

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.

Ten Guidelines for Better Communication Part 2

2008-12-14T09:57:00.005+08:00

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In my last post, Ten Guidelines for Better Communication Part 1, I presented five tips that can definitely help you to communicate more effectively. Here are five additional tips.

6. Talk to him in his own Language

If you tried to describe the color "green" to a color-blind man, you wouldn't get very far. We frequently make the same mistake either by using unfamiliar words, or by assuming that the other person has the same ideas or interests as us.

Hence, by "tailoring" your language, ideas and words to your audience, this is helps in promoting effective interpersonal communication

7. Emotions Mean as Much as Facts

This simple fact escapes many individuals. People not only think with their brains, but also with their personalities.

Fear, anger, suspicion, together with a lot of other undesirable emotions can easily be aroused by what you say. Remember, non-verbal communication plays a huge part in our daily interpersonal interactions.

8. Discretion Plays a Part

A good communicator doesn't rebroadcast everything he hears. People will only tell you things you should know if they're sure it won't get them into trouble. Before you repeat something, do consider the possible effects and consequences.

9. Too much is as bad as too little

Minds are like stomachs. They can only hold and digest a certain amount at a time. When you have a lot to say, see if it can be broken up into parts. Or perhaps put the details into writing for future reference.

10. Watch For Responses

The best way to find out if you're really getting through is to see how the other person is reacting. If he or she look bored, irritated or confused, you will need to change your approach.

Attentive listening is important not only because of what you can learn, but also because it means a great deal to the other person.

Remember, the points stipulated above are NOT hard and fast rules. You have to keep in mind that you are communicating with real people; people who do not act according to established rules and may, and probably will, act and think irrationally at times.

Keep the above ten rules in mind and this will definitely help to encourage more effective communication in your daily life.

If you have enjoyed this post, please remember to subscribe to this blog, bookmark it or check out some other excellent articles from the Top Posts section.

Ten Guidelines for Better Communication Part 1

2008-12-08T10:00:00.006+08:00

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Are you interested in communicating more effectively? Do you want some rules to help encourage effective communication?

Here are ten tips that can definitely help you to communicate more effectively.

1. Think Before You Speak and Put Things in Logical Order

You can't expect to communicate in a clear manner if your thoughts come out in a disorganized way. Outline your thoughts in your own mind before letting it out. Remember, you can't erase words once they're out of your mouth.

When things are disorganized, people become confused and disinterested. Make sure that your thoughts are structured and organized before you communicate them.

2. Use Your Past Experience

Each individual has his or her style of communication. We need to learn from paste experiences in order to communicate more effectively.

Stop to think: "What have I learned previously that will help me communicate more effectively this time around?"

3. Try and Catch People in a Frame of Mind to listen

An individual who is worried, angry or is preoccupied won't "hear" you any better than if you were talking next to a very noisy machine. This acts as a barrier which impedes effective communication.

In this process of communication, many factors act as noise which distorts the message from its original meaning, These factors could include a person's unreceptive or negative mood which acts as a barrier to effective communication This "barrier" or "noise" acts to distort the message in the communication process.

My post about "Understanding the Communication Process" elaborates on this point further. It talks about the communication process and the noise that distorts the message.

4. Arouse Interest in the Other Individual

A person's attention is like money in a sense. He will only give it to you if he expects to get something worthwhile in return. To get someone to listen, you will have to motivate him just as you would to get him to do anything else.

We individuals are interested in what we want, but unfortunately, no one else is. In order to win over the minds and hearts of other people, why talk about what we want? The individual who is able to put the needs of others above his or her own will be able to win the hearts of others.

The post "Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want" elaborates more about this important point.

5. Find Common Ground

If you want somebody to agree with you, or even to listen to you, try to imagine how he or she feels about this topic and take his viewpoint into account.

Do stay tuned for next week's post where i reveal the next five guidelines for better communication.

If you have enjoyed this post, don't forget to bookmark it. Thanks.

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Written and Spoken Communication

2008-11-30T09:37:00.026+08:00

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In my last post, "The Five Types of Communication in an Organization", i mentioned about the different methods of communication within an organization, be it structured or spontaneous.

No matter what category either structured or spontaneous, communication is either written or spoken.

Let us look at the various advantages and the disadvantages of written and spoken communication.

Written Communication

Some of the main advantages and disadvantages of written communication are:

Advantages

- Written communication is good for complicated and vital instructions, which can be given in a precise and uniform manner.

- There is a lesser chance for the message to be misunderstood.

- Written instructions can be checked at a latter date. It serves as a useful reference.

- Authority is transmitted more effectively with a written order than with an oral one

Disadvantages

- It is impersonal.

- People may not always read them.

- It does not answer questions and there is no immediate feedback.

Spoken Communication

Examples of spoken communication that is used in the workplace include conversations, interviews, counseling/helping colleagues, meetings, conferences

Advantages

- Oral communication allows for immediate feedback such as the opportunity to ask questions when the meaning is not entirely clear.

- The sender is able to check and see whether if the instruction is clear or has created confusion.

- Spoken instructions are flexible and easily adaptable to many diverse situations.

Disadvantages

- Poor presentation of the message or the instruction can result in misunderstanding and wrong responses.

- Spoken communication is influenced by both both verbal and non-verbal communication such as tone or body language which may skew the meaning of your message in the mind of the receiver.

If you have found this post useful, you might be interested in the following articles
1) The Three Different Levels of Listening
2) The Causes of Miscommunication in Daily Life
3) Conversation Tips
4) The Five Types of Communication in an Organisation
5) Understanding the Communication Process

You might also be interested in The McGraw-Hill 36-Hour Course in Business Writing and Communication: Manage Your Writing (36 Hour)
.

The Five Types of Communication in an Organisation

2008-11-23T12:03:00.013+08:00

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In any organization, it is important to have open channels of communication, but how does information actually flow through an organization?

Generally in any organization, there are five ways in which communication can move around.

These five ways fall into two broad categories. They are: Structured and Spontaneous. Let us first look at the different types of structured communication in an organization.

1. Chain of Command:
Eg Directives from senior management to junior executives.

2. Written Word:
Eg Circulars, memos, manuals, handbooks, bulletins, newsletters, publications, etc

3. Representative System:
Eg Trade union representation, meetings, discussions

On the other hand, spontaneous communication in an organization include

4. Informal Work Groups:
Eg Informal leaders, group norms, discussions

5. Gossip:
Get togethers (both inside and outside of work, recreation clubs, social gatherings)

Thus, it is obvious that communication is important, both in its structured as well as in its spontaneous form. All five ways are channels of communication in which communication can flow through an organization.

No matter what category, whether structured or spontaneous, communication is either written or spoken. In my next post, i will be examining the advantages and disadvantages of written and spoken communication respectively.

You might also be interested in
Quick Guide to the 16 Personality Types in Organizations: Understanding Personality Differences in the Workplace

Learn to Wait

2008-11-15T09:42:00.002+08:00

How do you handle bad news?

Do you handle the situation impulsively, go off into a flying rage, and shoot the messenger? Or do you step back and give yourself time to consider the situation analytically before you respond?

Bad news is often not as bad as it is initially perceived to be. People often react impulsively to bad news and make bad decisions based on their emotions.

How often has a loved one delivered disappointing news, and you proceed to unleash a barrage of emotional language onto the messenger?

Patience is important, and the lack of patience could be disastrous to your life and relationships. The simple act of allowing a little time to pass, can totally alter the situation, provide a solution to your problem and could even possibly render the entire situation trivial or meaningless.

Possible confrontations can be diffused and new perspectives gained. Indeed, a lot can be gained, simply by allowing yourself to step back and size up the situation impassively.

Here is a song by Take That, to remind you to "Have a little Patience..."

The Four Objectives of Communication Part 3

2008-11-09T00:36:00.004+08:00

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In my previous posts, we looked at the Fundamental Four Purposes of Communication.

1. To Be Understood
2. To Be Accepted
3. To Get Something Done
4. To Understand Others

Now finally, we will be looking at our last communication objective, understanding others.

Understanding others is an important aspect of communication.

To communicate successfully, you will have to know a lot about the person whom you are talking to, what they are like, what sort of approach they would like the most or what ideas might they have in mind... etc

You can come closest to this by studying the other person and by encouraging him or her to communicate with you, by being consistently friendly and approachable.

So, to recap all the points mentioned previously, we've established that communication will affect how well you've succeed. Hence, it is important to be proficient in the aspects of communication and to understand the four objectives of communication.

1. To Be Understood - This means to communicate something across to someone else so that he or she knows exactly what you mean. This could be facts, intentions or even feelings.

Words and ideas which seem so clear by themselves... can be understood in many different ways by different people.

Hence, it is important to be mindful about this fact, and take that extra effort to consider your audience and clarify your position if necessary.

2. To Be Accepted - It means to get people to agree with you, or at least to listen to you seriously.

Many things block acceptance, and these may include distrust, lack of empathy or even an upset state of mind.

3. To Get Something Done - Getting action involves more than simply "asking" or "telling". When we use a machine, all we have to do is to push a button. With people, you will generally need to explain, to convince and to follow up.

4. To Understand Others - Understanding others is an important aspect in successful communication. You can achieve this by being constantly friendly and approachable, offer encouragement and by studying the other person.

If i could sum up all of the above in one sentence, it would be, "Good communication skills require dedication and effort on your part!"

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices." Well, good communication skills are also made up of petty sacrifices. Take the time and effort to be other oriented and communicate better today!

Showing Some Appreciation

2008-10-30T21:58:00.022+08:00

In a previous post, we've talked about the benefits of Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation. In this post, i will be showing my appreciation to bloggers that have enriched my life in some way or another.

To start of, i would like to show my appreciation to Monica Borden from mysignsoflife. Her post on "Blogs that Rock - Week 2" really touched me very much.

As a blogger, we all might wonder at one point or another about whether does anybody actually read our blogs? Well, her kind words about my blog really made my day. The catchphrase on her blog reads "Did anybody tell you they loved you today?" I find this phase extremely meaningful indeed.

The next blog whom i'd like to highlight is Communication Exchange by Patricia Rockwell. As a former communications teacher, Patricia makes comprehensive posts about a wide range of communication related issues. I particularly enjoyed her post about Sarcasm Experiments.

In addition, i would also like to take this opportunity to thank Patricia for her long support of this blog with her support and insightful comments!!!

Here are other blogs which have made a difference in my life.

- I'd like to thank CK from A Singaporean in London. He has regularly shared his thoughts on my posts. His blog is filled with interesting insights from a Singaporean living in London.

- Michael Aulia from Michael Aulia - Technology & Reviews has interesting post about technology. I read his blog regularly and get updates on the latest tech news.

- Turnip of Power is another blog which i regularly tune into. It is an influential blog which offers an objective no-holds barred take on social networking issues such as developments in the entrecard world etc...

Thanks for everything and till next week...

The Four Objectives of Communication Part 2

2008-10-25T09:03:00.011+08:00

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In my last post, i introduced The Fundamental Purpose of Communication. In this post, we will be discussing upon the next two intentions of communication.

To recap, the four objectives of communication are:

1. To Be Understood
2. To Be Accepted
3. To Get Something Done
4. To Understand Others

Now, let us start by considering the second objective of communication. To Be Accepted.

What does it mean by "To be accepted?"

It means to get people to agree with you, or at least to listen to you seriously.

This might surprise some of you, but actually getting your message accepted does not happen as often as you might think. Many things block acceptance.

These things may include distrust, lack of empathy or even an upset state of mind.

The third objective of communication is To Get Something Done.

Let us consider a common example.

You have something that must be done quickly, and you need to ask someone whom you can trust to do it for you. You think John is the one.

You are under a lot of pressure and cannot possibly do it. So, you ask John for his help.

You are surprised when he shows that he does not want to help you out.

What happened? A situation like this might have taken place.

What you said...

"John, I'm using my machine to finish this job that i'm a little late with. My supervisor gave me this other job to finish today! I will never finish. I already have to work late just to finish the first job. Can you help me out by doing it on your machine for me?"

What John might have 'heard'

"John, here is a dirty job that my boss gave me. I don't want to be bothered by it. Your machine can do it. Your plans for the day don't count to me. Just help me out by doing my work for me."

Your tone may have made John feel that he was being used by you. Perhaps something that you asked him to do in the past had left him feeling resentful, or he may have personal problems which weigh heavily on his mind

In any case, he didn't "hear" so much with his brain as with his feelings. And since he didn't "hear" you correctly, he didn't accept you.

Getting action involves more than simply "asking" or "telling". When we use a machine, all we have to do is to push a button. With people, you will generally need to explain, to convince and to follow up.

In my next post, we will be looking at the last communication objective, which is "To Understand Others," and also look at how we can overcome these communication roadblocks which are present in each and every one of our lives.

The Four Objectives of Communication

2008-10-19T10:19:00.009+08:00

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Communication is important in our lives.

In a way, communications is something like breathing. You can't live very long without breathing and you cannot survive very long without communicating. Communication is the thread by which you tie yourself to the world and the world to you.

Let us first consider the role of communication in your job for example.

As an employee, you never work in a vacuum. You always work with and around people. Day to day actions such as passing information and making reports all involve communication in some way or another.

So... how well you communicate will affect how well you succeed.

So, now that we've established that communication affects success (the importance of communication), let us now examine the four objectives of communication.

1. To Be Understood
2. To Be Accepted
3. To Get Something Done
4. To Understand Others

Firstly, let us start by considering the fundamental objective of communication. To be understood.

We communicate so as to let other people know about something.

The primary purpose in communication is to communicate something across to someone else so that he or she knows exactly what you mean. This could be facts, intentions or even feelings.

However, even this simple act may have its problems.

Let us consider a typical situation that occurs in many households. A husband and his wife have agreed to go for a holiday. However, the same word, "Holiday," may mean different things to different people.

For example, in our example between the husband and the wife, the wife may think of a holiday as a stay in a luxurious holiday resort while the husband may think of a holiday as a golfing or camping trip.

Words and ideas which seem so clear by themselves... can be understood in many different ways by different people.

Hence, it is important to be mindful about this fact, and take that extra effort to consider your audience and clarify your position if necessary.

In the next post, i will be discussing about the next 2 intentions of communications which are "To Be Accepted," as well as "To Get Something Done."

You might also be interested in How to Win Friends and Influence People.

To be on Speaking Terms with People

2008-10-12T11:23:00.013+08:00

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This may come as something of a shock, but...

The chances are that, sometimes you are not on speaking terms with people - not even your closest friends.

"That's ridiculous" you might say. "I have a good nature, I am a good person, and i get along well with people..."

"What do you mean... not on speaking terms?"

You see, we might already have a misunderstanding, even only after a couple of statements.

So let's do one of the important things you have to do in order to communicate successfully. Let us make sure that we're talking about the same thing!

By "being on speaking terms," we simply mean exchanging ideas, facts and feelings with other people so that they understand you as you want them to understand you (and also the other way around).

We actually meant to COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY.

When you were a baby, you were probably the best communicator. A good, loud yell was all the "language" you needed for the simple ideas you wanted to communicate... and you had a good and attentive audience.

But as an adult, you live in a much more complicated world. A world of words that mean different things to different people, because their interests and backgrounds are different from your own.

For most people, effective communication does not come naturally. It is a skill to be practiced and learned like any other.

In my next post, i will be expanding further about the "Four Purposes of Communication", so watch out for that.

The Power of a Smile

2008-10-05T21:47:00.006+08:00

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"Smiling is infectious, you catch it like the flu. When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too."
~~ Karen McLendon-Laumann

Smiling is indeed important in our everyday life, both in our personal lives as well as within the workplace.

Dale Carnegie notes that "the expression one wears on one's face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one's back."

This article about "The Power of a Smile" talks about the importance of a smile, gives tips on "How to smile, even when you don't feel like it", discusses on why is a smile is so infectious as well as touches upon the priceless value of giving a smile.

To begin, a smile is one of the most obvious and effective methods of non-verbal communication. It is one of the first things someone will notice about you. A smile, both physically as well as subconsciously, transmits the message, 'I'm glad you're here and that I'm happy to see you.'

Smiling has implications, both in our personal as well as our business relationships. Smiling overcomes barriers and open doors for people. A sincere smile is a message of goodwill, and is considered a sign of hospitality and confidence when dealing with a friend or a business associate.

So we know that a smile is well and good, but what happens if you don't feel like smiling? Well, emotions can be controlled to a certain extent, both physically as well as emotionally. As such, you can evoke a smile using these two methods.

How to Smile, Even when you don't feel like it

Physical Method

- The human body associates physical responses with the associated emotion. For example, if you slouch a lot, your body will naturally feel more sluggish as compared to a person who maintains a good posture.

- Similarly, even if you feel sad, you can still draw your lips together and lift up the ends to form a smile. You might find your mood improving naturally. This technique has helped me improve my mood countless of times.

- Smile with your eyes. This technique involves concentrating your smile on your eyes instead of your lips. Think of your eyes smiling, or twinkling. You will find that your entire face will have to lift itself to accomplish this. You will find your cheekbones lifting up and the tip of your lips lifting up to form a smile.

Emotional Method

- Our emotional state is all in our state of mind. As clique as it sounds, you've gotta want to be happy, in order to be happy. When you WANT to be happy, think happy thoughts. Think about a calm meadow, think about a loved one or a joke maybe.

- Remember, happiness is frequently a choice. Abraham Lincoln once noted that "most fokes are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." We can choose to be happy or miserable. Do choose happiness to fill your life.

There is the saying "Smile and the whole world smiles with you." Well, sayings like this are actually grounded in fact. When you smile, it does tend to trigger off smiles in others around you. Even in extremely stressful situations, a smile can easily brighten up everybody's mood.

The value of a smile is priceless. It can't be bought, begged or borrowed.

It costs nothing to give, but is the most sincere gift that one might be able to give to another. A smile brings rest to the weary, and is the best antidote for discouragement. It brings sunshine to the sad and hope to the hopeless.

A smile is infectious. Start infecting people and winning friends with your smile today.

If you like this article, you might also enjoy

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Become Genuinely Interested in Other People

2008-09-25T23:03:00.028+08:00

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Do you want do develop real friendships? Do you want to help yourself by helping others? Do you want people to like you?

If so, then read on...

Thus far, in my summary of Dale Carnege's book entitled "How to Win Friends and Influence People", we have explored the

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

Now, we move on to the first of six ways to make people like you.

Become Genuinely Interested in Other People

Dale Carnegie notes that "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

All of us human beings, want to be admired and respected. That is what motivate corporate executives to climb the corporate ladder, mountain climbers to scale the highest peaks and you and i when we perform our daily routine each and every day.

Besides the desire to be important, each human being is also faced with a multitude of different problems each day. Problems may range from large problems such as facing a serious disease such as cancer to the smallest of problems such as having a bad air day.

The point which i am trying to make is that: each person is generally focused on his or herself, with his or her own problems and objectives. The special individual which is able to put his or her needs aside and focus on the needs on others will be highly regarded and treasured.

Just look at people in society who specialize in focusing on the needs of others. The doctors, nurses and volunteers for various charities and social services. These people are all highly regarded and treasured in the minds of the public in general.

Why?

There is a power when we reach out to other people with a focused and sincere interest, coupled together with a smile.

Take the time to take an active interest in the lives of those around you. Ask, "How was your day today?" People will ultimately remember that you took the time and effort to be interested in their lives and will appreciate you for that.

If you are interested in improving your interpersonal communication skills, you might consider purchasing Dale Carnegie's all time best selling book from Amazon through this link. How to Win Friends and Influence People

If you like this article, you might also enjoy

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

The Power of Positive Reinforcement

2008-09-18T21:24:00.000+08:00

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Imagine for one second that you are an employee in the workplace... Which choice do you think will be a better motivating factor to encourage better results? The opportunity for reward for good work produced or punishment for poor results?

As human beings, we prefer to be praised rather than punished. So isn't it natural to assume that praising a person could have a greater impact on changing a person's behaviour as compared to the threat of a punishment? This leads me to The Power of Positive Reinforcement.

So, what is positive reinforcement?

Well, positive reinforcement involves the use of positive signals such as (verbal) encouragement or (tangible) rewards to encourage and reinforce a certain desirable behavior.

This concept has been well established to be effective in animal conditioning. For example, rewarding a dog immediately after performing a correct command makes it much more likely that the dog will perform the action the next time it is requested.

The timing of this positive reinforcement is also critical. Positive messages have much more impact the closer the message is to the event itself.

To take advantage of this fact, remember to praise and reward an action as soon as possible. When your child comes and informs you about his or her good grades, show enthusiasm and be hearty in your praise and lavish in your appreciation.

In the same way in which positive reinforcement encourages positive behavior, negative reinforcement will also unwittingly bring about negative behavior.

Let me elaborate more about negative reinforcement. Imagine a parent who keeps criticizing a child repeatedly. The parent might say, "You're good for nothing." or "You're sure to fail." Such messages only serve to reinforce the image of failure in the child's mind.

Hence, do remember to avoid negative messages and practice the power of positive reinforcement so as to bring more joy and happiness into the lives of others.

If you've enjoyed this post. Do help to spread this message of joy and positivity by helping to bookmark or link it. You might also be interested in giving some honest and sincere appreciation or reading more articles on interpersonal communication.

Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want

2008-09-11T21:11:00.033+08:00

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Arousing in the Other Person an Eager Want...

What does that mean exactly, and how does it impact interpersonal communication?

We all have our needs and wants. You may be feeling hungry or thirsty and want something to eat or drink. Another person may be feeling sleepy and want to take a nap. You may want to improve your interpersonal communication skills, which is why you are reading this article right now!!!

The point is, we as individual are interested in what we want, but unfortunately, no one else is. In order to win over other people, why talk about what we want? The individual who is able to put the needs of others above his or her own will be able to win the hearts of others.

For example, if you want your children to eat their vegetables for instance, refrain on focusing on what you want, but instead, try focusing on what the other person wants. You could try focusing on what your child is interested in.

For example, if your child likes basketball, try linking the benefits of eating vegetables to growing tall and strong and becoming like LeBron James.

This principle works in business selling as well. People like to "buy" products and not feel like they have been "sold." In order to get people to buy a product, we will need to think from the other person's perspective.

In order to sell better, you will need to imagine how the product will be able to meet the needs of the other person instead of harping aimlessly about the features of what you are trying to sell.

In addition, instead of trying to "sell" your idea to another person, why not let them cook and stir up the idea themselves. By letting them regard the idea as their own, they will definitely be more receptive to whatever you are proposing.

To quote Dale Carnegie: "First arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world behind him. He who cannot walks a lonely way."

This is the third principle listed within the category of "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People" as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's best selling book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

If you are interested, you can check out my post about "Winning Friends and Influencing People."

Can Money Really Buy Happiness

2008-09-06T20:45:00.025+08:00

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This post attempts to provide some much needed insights on the age old question:

"Can money really buy happiness?"

A few months ago, i was having a discussion with my friend about the kind of life we're living in nowadays.

People are working longer hours than ever before and even well educated graduates struggle to afford a decent sized roof over their heads.

(The above statement may not be true for all countries, but it certainly is true for my country where land is scarce.)

We were then wondering, how can poor people survive in that case?

Recently, i just thought of the answer.

People with a lower earning power simply purchase a smaller apartment from the government.

These people must live in contentment with what they have.

In developed nations, people are working harder and harder, trying to afford bigger houses, and fill them up with more and more expensive stuff. In the process, they spend more time at work and neglect their loved ones in the process thinking that money can bring happiness.

Perhaps the richest person of all is the person that is filled with the abundance of love and joy and happiness, and not the world's richest person.

The bible tells us "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" What is the use of an abundance of money if all that you have is a host of "false friends" who stick with you in times of riches and success, but leave you at the first signs of trouble.

Perhaps the key to a happier life cannot be bought with common wealth, but generated through a deeper, fuller relationship with your loved ones. Maybe instead of working that extra overtime to earn a few extra dollars, you might consider going home early to spend more time with your family.

Thats where the interpersonal communication tips provided in this blog comes into play. Posts such as How to Win Friends and Influence People will really make a difference in your relationships and hopefully provide part of the key to happiness that everyone is searching for.

What is Signposting

2008-09-03T23:34:00.019+08:00

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Imagine driving around an unfamiliar urban town. Sounds hard right? Now imagine driving around without the help of signposts to help guide you around.

In the same manner where signposts help motorists get to their desired destination, you can help your audience understand you better by using the technique known as “signposting”.

We all do some signposting in our natural conversation. Phases such as “on the other hand” and “in conclusion” are effective signposts that we use in everyday life.

So, what is signposting anyway?

Signposting is a technique to help people follow the meaning of what you are saying.

They act as guides to help the reader follow what you are saying throughout a conversation, helps in establishing rapport and helps them to categories what you are saying.

Here are more examples of signposting

To Begin Introducing your Point, you might consider starting with...

• I'd like to begin by...
• Let's start by...
• First of all, I'll...
• Starting with...
• To start with...
• I'll begin by...

For Finishing a Topic, try...

• Well, I've finished talking about...
• Well, that's all I have to say about...
• We've considered...
• So much for this subject...

To Start another topic, why not use...

• Now, let us move on to.
• Next, let us consider...
• Turning to...
• Moving on to...
• I would like now to discuss...

Applying Signposting Techniques in a discussion...

• So, where does that lead us?
• Let us consider this in more detail...
• What does this all mean?
• Translated this into real terms...

Giving an example...

• Here’s an example. I was...
• For example,...
• A good example of this is...
• To illustrate,...
• To give you an example,...
• To illustrate this point...
• Let’s consider a hypothetical situation for a moment. If you were to...
• Let me play the devil’s advocate for a moment. What might happen if...

To Summarize and conclude...

• In conclusion,...
• To conclude,...
• So, let's sum up, shall we?
• I would like now to recap...
• Let’s summarize what we’ve covered briefly...
• Finally, let me remind you of some of the issues we've covered...
• To sum up the main points...

To summarize what we’ve covered briefly, signposting is an effective method to help your audience follow what you are saying. Do try to keep it in mind whether you are communicating with a single individual, or to an entire audience. :)

Tips for Giving Effective Constructive Criticism

2008-08-23T12:19:00.027+08:00

In my previous post, "Giving Effective Constructive Criticism", we looked at some of the potential problems that could occur when giving criticism.

In this post, we will be trying to avoid these problems by exploring some tips as to how we can give effective constructive criticism.

Tips on Giving Effective Criticism

Criticize as Soon as Possible

This may initially sound rather contradictory to some. We have learn that criticisms may result in problems, so why then should we be quick to criticize?

Well, this is because criticism, like praise, is most effective when it is delivered close to the event. The earlier the criticism is delivered, the more effective it will be.

When employing this tactic, however, it is imperative to remember to separate your emotions from your criticism and to offer objective criticism to the other person. Also, remember to avoid criticizing anyone in front of other people as this seriously wounds a person's precious pride.

Be Specific in Your Criticism

Another recommended method in giving effective criticism is to be specific.

When you become more specific, your criticism will naturally become more objective and less emotional. Words become more quantifiable as a result, and less prone to gross generalizations that could occur in the heat of the moment.

Be Certain of the Facts

In the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People", Dale Carnegie suggests "I may be wrong but let's examine the facts". When you criticize or accuse somebody about something, it is imperative that you are sure of exactly what you are talking about.

There may be situations that exist where you might not be aware of. Thus, you should allow and give the other person the opportunity to explain his or herself.

When the person is trying to explain the situation, your body language should also reflect a open and receptive attitude towards his explaination.

Focus on the Positives

Even when you must criticize, try to focus on the positives. Do try to include or suggest ways on how the other person can improve instead of just listing down the other person's bad points.

Before you do criticize, try out this simple step.

Think of 3 positive aspects about the thing in which you intend to criticize before you actually verbalize it. You will find that often times, there is so much good being overlooked and we only focus on the infinitesimally small negative qualities.

In addition, maintain a positive body language to try to balance out the negatively of the situation. The more positively you handle the situation, the better the other person will feel about it and hence, this will increase your chances of success in trying to influence the other person's behavior.

In conclusion, if you do have to criticize, give constructive criticism and give it effectively. Giving constructive criticism helps to improve the other person by providing a valuable source of objective feedback which helps the other person to improve .

Do remember to consider the other person's feelings in all of your dealings and spread positivity whereever you go!

Giving Effective Constructive Criticism

2008-08-21T19:49:00.022+08:00

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One of my previous posts, "Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain", I advocated the principle of doing away with criticism altogether.

Unexpectedly, this fundamental principle of good human relations drew a wide range of comments.

CK from A Singaporean in London commented: 'Real friends tell you what's wrong.'

Should good friends seek to criticize each other constructively when necessary? Or should they remain good friends by remaining silent?

Patricia Rockwell, a communications teacher with over 40 years of experience in the field, left this excellent comment:

"You can get that constructive criticism across to a friend without being negative yourself. Just couch your ideas as suggestions and keep it positive. What you are suggesting is an idea to help a fantastic person become even more fantastic!"

Giving praise is indeed an extremely powerful tool that is able to influence the actions of people. It can indeed help a fantastic person become even more fantastic!

Occasionally, there is a need to correct certain inappropriate or unacceptable behavior. But this brings forth certain pitfalls and difficulties.

Firstly, let us look at some problems when it comes to giving criticism.

Problem 1) - Few people enjoy being criticised or reprimanded. This invokes negative experiences as well as downbeat feelings. Such feelings inhibit positive behavior.

Problem 2) - Criticism often exaggerate negative situations in order to make a point.

For example: Occasional neglect to a wife or girlfriend might come out as "You never care about me!" This may trigger sparks of resentment that could ripple on for a lifetime.

Having explored the problems with criticism, do check out for my next post, "Tips for Giving Effective Constructive Criticism", which will look at some ways in which we can give effective criticisms.

Do remember to bookmark this post if you've enjoyed it.

Technology's Effect on Interpersonal Communication

2008-08-16T11:06:00.038+08:00

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Technology has brought forth a revolutionary transformation in the way we communicate with each other.

As we progress through the information age, various technological devices such as the television, hand phones, and personal computers have come and established themselves in our everyday lives.

This has definitely influenced interpersonal communication in many ways, both positive as well as negative.

This article examines the impacts and implications of technology on the way we communicate with each other.

With the invent of internet, the world has effectively become an interconnected global village. People from all corners of the world are able to easily converse with each other quickly and easily through cyberspace.

Email has established itself as a fast, free and convenient method to send messages, replacing traditional mail in the process. The internet has indeed made it easy and convenient for people to keep in touch with one another.

This ease of communication has many profound effects. In the business world, deals can be made through emails and video conferencing, and mobile phone technology has made it possible for people to check and send messages on the go, allowing us to be connected 24-7.

The internet has also affected the way how couples are formed. Couples are now commonly paired through dating websites using computer match ups. Chat rooms have become a common form of interaction between people as well, replacing a face-to-face meet up.

The internet has indeed changed the way people socialize. Although this has broadened the social circle of many people somewhat, couples are unable to meet face to face and this has many implications. Each individual has only the information which the other person decides to release. This may cause both parties to have unrealistic expectations about each other.

In the office, despite all the advantages offered by technology as mentioned earlier, there are many negative implications to be considered as well. Simple messages which used to be delivered face-to-face are now being sent through impersonal means such as email.

This has effectively reduced socialization within the office, thus contributing to the weakening of bonds within the workplace.

In addition, the convenience of emails and video conferences, just cannot entirely replace the feeling and warmth of a person's handshake or presence. Deals may be negotiated through emails, but many businessmen today will still want to view their business partners face-to-face in order to size their potential partners up before committing to any deals.

According to government figures from the Office of National Statistics in the United Kingdom, on average, adults in Britain spend - 41.5 days a year online at their computers. Bloggers whom are increasingly common today probably spend lots more time online.

This has reduced the communication between parents and their children due to the lack of quality time spend together. The bond is weakened as compared with previous generations and this has a profound impact on society as a whole.

In conclusion, we are now more connected in today's globalized world, but are ironically more isolated from our friends and family as a result of the new technologies from the information age.

The ease of communication may have been improved but our lives have become more impersonal as a result. Technology has indeed made tremendous impact on society as well as on interpersonal communication.

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

2008-08-10T13:53:00.017+08:00

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This post talks about the simple, yet effective principle of: "Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation"...

... and is the second principle listed within the category of "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People" as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's best selling book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

I'm about to reveal something that is a fundamental, yet little known truth of human behavior. This fact is that everybody, from the lowest peasant to the mightiest of emperors, seeks to obtain a feeling of importance.

Athletes strive so hard for victory as they seek the feeling of importance at being the best at what they do.

Employees work so hard to get promoted as they seek the feeling of importance and recognition for their contribution.

Some people get their sense of importance from earning a lot of money while others get their sense of importance from things such as charity work and donations.

So, you might be wondering, how does the fact that everybody seeks a feeling of importance factor into our principle of "Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation"?

In a nutshell, give people the praise that they deserve and crave for (in order satisfy an individual's need to feel important), and you will find that the world will be a much easier and friendlier place to live in.

Note that what this principle advocates is NOT flattery.

Universally despised act of flattery is defined as giving a person excessive or insincere praise. However, what is advocated here in this post is to "Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation".

For example, say thank you when someone does something nice for you. Make a special mention when somebody makes a special effort to dress up or does something for you.

Everybody likes to be appreciated. How often have you heard this phase. "So-and-so does not appreciate me."

The simple act of giving honest and sincere appreciation does indeed work wonders. Why don't you go ahead and try it right know and show some appreciation to a loved one.

Do leave a comment to share how it works out for you.

If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog. Appreciate it... :)

Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain

2008-08-05T20:42:00.019+08:00

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Interested to learn about a basic fundamental principle for good human relations? Want a simple and effective method to improve your interpersonal relationships?

This post talks about the simple, yet effective principle of: "Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain"

This is the first principle listed within the category of "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People" as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's best selling book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

So what does it entail? Simple, it is exactly what it says it is. Do not criticize, condemn or complain. Simple and easy. No encrypted message, no hidden meanings. Just refrain from criticizing, condeming or complaining.

Why is this technique so effective in interpersonal relationships?

You may feel that the other person has done something wrong, but the reality is; people never blame themselves for anything. As a result, we tend to get defensive when blamed or criticized for something.

Take for instance lets say that you lost your wallet. A concerned friend or family member might say something like, "Why are you so careless? Can't you be more careful?"

Such a remark criticizing the action of losing the wallet, even though it was made out of concern, generally will have a negative effect on the receiving party.

A person, when criticized, may seek to justify himself and may respond defensively in a manner such as "Do you think i want to lose my wallet?" or "People lose things all the time, you are no different."

This exercise shows us how criticism, even made out of a spirit of care and concern, may lead to defensive responses or even misunderstandings.

If something so gentle can turn out so wrong, imagine the negative effect of criticisms, made in the heat of anger must have on a person. The same truths hold for both condemnation as well as complaining.

As Dale Carnegie so eloquently put it: "Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving."

So the next time you see something that you don't like, do refrain from criticism and seek to be more understanding and forgiving towards the other person.

If you are interested, you can check out my post about "Winning Friends and Influencing People."

Similarly, if you have enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog. Thanks... :)

How to Win Friends and Influence People

2008-08-02T22:47:00.032+08:00

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"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving." -- Dale Carnegie

You've probably heard of the book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnege.

After all, it has sold 15 million copies globally since it was first published in 1937, influencing an entire generation of self help books.

Something that is so successful has to contain something special.

As such, here is a summary of Dale Carnege's book entitled
"How to Win Friends and Influence People"

Part One
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3.Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two
Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Part Three
Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Part Four
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

If you seek tips on improving interpersonal communication skills, this is it! I will be elaborating more about these words of wisdom in future blog posts, so stay tuned.

If you are interested, you can check out Dale Carnegie's book on Amazon here. Alternatively, you may also consider checking out the audiobook version of this book for easy listening from Amazon here.

If you enjoyed this post, don't forget to subscribe or bookmark it! :)

How to Make a Great First Impression

2008-07-27T23:32:00.018+08:00

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In my previous post entitled: First Impressions, I illustrated the importance of making a good first impression.

In this article, we will look at some tips on how we can achieve this.

Appearance Matters!!

Do take care of your appearance. This counts for a lot to the person whom you are meeting for the very first time.

The factors which we frequently neglect in our appearance include the condition of our shoes and socks as well as the condition of our nails.

Speak Eloquently and Articulate Clearly

Do speak in a clear and confident voice.

Remember to speak at a moderate pace and try to minimize any slang if speaking to somebody from another country. You want the other person to be able to understand you.

Remember to use a tone of voice appropriate to the situation.

Talk in Terms of the Other Person's Interests

Try to talk about things that the other person might be interested about. For example, if you are at a party, ask who invited him or her and how did they know each other.

Check out my post on Conversation Starters for tips on how to better initiate a conversation.

Smile and be Confident

Smile and watch the world smile back at you. Smiling is an excellent way to create a great first impression. But remember not to overdo it.

Remember that non-verbal cues communicate as much information to the other person as compared to what we say. So do remember to be confident and adopt positive and open body body language.

Much of what I've talked about here is common sense. However, once a first impression is created, it will be virtually impossible to change it.

Considering the impact it will have on your future relationship with the other person, it is worth giving your best effort to make the best of any situation.

Do remember to bookmark this post or subscribe to my blog if you have enjoyed it. :)

First Impressions

2008-07-27T13:50:00.019+08:00

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Within the first few seconds of any new encounter, you will be evaluated by the other person.

This initial impression form the basis of all future thoughts from the other individual and hence is extremely important in our interpersonal relationships.

As Will Rogers once commented

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression."

Hence, whether be it in your social or professional life, it is important to learn how to create a positive first impression.

Follow the Rule of Ten when it comes to first impressions

- It takes only 10 seconds for people to form an opinion of you. This opinion remains in their minds and there will rarely be a second chance to change it.

- The first 10 words that comes out from your mouth indicates the respect that you have for the other party.

Factors that influence this include your tone of voice, your manner as well as the kind of words which you use which reflect on you as an individual and how you treat the other person.

- We all know that appearance plays an important role in creating a positive first impression.

The top 10 factors that affect our appearance include: A suitable hairstyle, clean hair, vibrant skin, fresh make-up for the ladies, clear eyes, a sincere smile, clean teeth, confident posture, clean attire as well as appropriate accessories.

This article aims to bring across the idea that making a first impression is indeed very important in establishing relationships. The "Rule of Ten" has also provided several factors using which influences a good first impression.

In the next article entitled "How to Make a Great First Impression", i will look at more specific applications of things you can do to make that all-important great first impression that counts!

How to Make a Great First Impression

Understanding the Communication Process

2008-07-24T15:16:00.011+08:00

What is the communication process?

The communication process is an important process by which humans communicate with each other.

If you want to become a more effective communicator, you will have to understand the communication process fully and pay attention to the details.

There are THREE basic elements which are central to the communication process.

They are the audience, the message as well as the channel.

Let us see how these elements factor into the communication process.

A diagram of the communication process

In the above diagram, lets say that RED MAN wants to send a message to BLUE MAN.

He will have to encode a message based on what language BLUE MAN may understand, as well as other societal factors such as their relationship with each other and the context of the conversation.

These 3 factors of language, relationship with each other as well as the context of the conversation will influence the tone of their conversation.

After this has been considered, the channel for transmitting the message needs to be selected. Typical channels of communication include writing, face-to-face speaking, having a telephone conversation, email, fax, SMS or even online messaging among others.

Patricia Rockwell, a communications teacher with over 40 years of experience, adds that nonverbal messages such as that facial expressions, gestures, touch, vocal cues, or physical appearances could also act as additional channels of communication.

After BLUE MAN receives this message, a decoding process is needed to allow the audience (BLUE MAN in this case) to make sense of the message being sent.

In this process of communication, many factors act as noise which distorts the message from its original meaning, These factors could include environmental or cultural factors such as a noisy environment or a different speaking accent respectively.

Ultimately, successful communication depends on meeting the needs of the audience to a large extent. Do remember to practice good habits of effective communication such as active listening as explained in this blog.

Earn £8 by Running a Single Ad for a Month

2008-07-21T21:35:00.012+08:00

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I made £8 by running a single Matched.co.uk ad on my blog for a month. Here is the proof of payment!!!

Here is my paypal income notification.

How can you do it? Well, when you sign up to Matched.co.uk, you earn £5 just for signing up.

However, you will only get this £5 after running an ad on your blog for a month. Since running an ad for a month earns you a flat rate of £3, you earn £(5+3) = £8 altogether which is what i did.

Its a real deal, so please do yourself and myself a favor by signing up using my affiliate link here.

To further sweeten the deal, i will give 1000 credits to you if you sign up using my link and successfully display an ad for one month.

The credits will be sent to your account immediately when i receive the affiliate bonus for referring you as my way of thanking you. (pm me at warp9wb[at]gmail.com when you have received your first payment of £8)

Negotiation Tactics - Part 2

2008-07-19T11:10:00.025+08:00

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In previous posts, I gave an introduction to negotiation, followed by a look at the three stages of negotiation.

This post, is a follow-up to Negotiation Tactics - Part 1, where we will be looking at several negotiating tactics that you can use in your daily dealings with people.

Negotiation Tactic 3 - Good Guy/ Bad Guy

This technique involves working in pairs with one individual being friendly while the other individual acts in a threatening manner.

The objective of this technique is to give your opponent the illusion that he got a concession from the "good guy".

This technique is often portrayed on television where a "bad cop" acts all unreasonable and aggressive while a "good cop" apologies for the "bad cop" and pleads for compliance.

In real life, parents may often use this technique on their children with the father being the fierce and aggressive disciplinarian while the mother plays the role of the understand parent to gain the compliance of the child with a soothing and gentle request.

Negotiation Tactic 4 - The Red Herring

This technique involves laying a false trail for the other person to follow. You are supposed to create an issue or act offended during the negotiation.

The objective of this endeavor is to distract the other party from the real issue. You may also subsequently use this problem as a trade-off for the real issue in question.

For example, when in deep discussions over contractual issues, raising minor issues with outlining points creates points of contention which could be used as a compromise over the important point.

Another example will be when negotiating over the price of an item. You could raise minor issues like "the design is old", "the product has minor faults" or even "I have a headache or stomachache" to get the shopkeeper to reduce the price.

The way to counter this technique is to be steadfast in your resolve and focus on the main issue at hand. Only then will you not be distracted by the minor issues and fall prey to "The Red Herring".

Do you routinely use these negotiation techniques in your real life?

If you are interested in this post, do consider checking out the related posts in the negotiation mini series.
- An Introduction to Negotiation
- The Three Stages of Negotiation
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 1

Finding Meaning in Your Life

2008-07-12T12:00:00.022+08:00

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Life...

We drift through it like clouds on a clear blue day, going where the wind takes us. We search for meaning, but the answer seems just out of reach. We try our best to make things work.

Wouldn't it be nice to have some guiding principles to live by?

My girlfriend Xue Ling, a sweet and caring person with a heart of gold, recently shared with me a message that i would like to share with everyone.

Here are some guiding principles from the word "LIFE" that will help you to find more meaning in your own existence.

Lead a LIFE -- Learn, Invest, Family, Empathize...

L - Learn at every moment

Life is a growing process. As humans, we need to learn, evolve and improve continuously and actively improve ourselves.

Life is a learning process. Learn and grow whenever you have the chance.

I - Invest in money and time

Time is a finite resource for each and every individual. Once it is gone, even the riches of the entire world will not be able to bring it back.

Remember to use your precious time wisely and not waste it on meaningless pursuits that ultimately amount to nothing.

F - Friends and Family

In life, few things are important as our friends and family, so isn't it logical to prioritize them in our lives. Unfortunately, in life, we are often bogged down by mundane matters and neglect what is important in our lives.

Remember to devote some time from each day to nurture these relationships in our lives.

E - Empathize, seek to understand

Do have empathy for those around you, be it your family or your friends and loved ones. This is here where better interpersonal communication skills comes in. Actively try to seek and understand the other person's viewpoint.

Only then will you develop better relationships and build those important ties with the people around you.

I hope with that by Learning and Investing on Friends and Family, and by Empathizing with them, this will help to provide more meaning to your life.

Do remember to bookmark this article if you found it meaningful. Thanks...

Negotiation Tactics - Part 1

2008-07-06T19:40:00.018+08:00

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In previous posts, I gave an introduction to negotiation, followed by a look at the three stages of negotiation.

In this post, we will look at several negotiating tactics that you can use in your daily dealings with people.

Negotiation Tactic 1 - The Flinch

In this technique, you will react visibly when a proposal is made to you.

Your goal is to make the other party feel that his offer is unreasonably high or low.

Think of negotiating with shopkeepers at roadside markets. You make them an offer for a piece of clothing, lets say $10 for instance, and immediately, a look of shock appears across their face and they start to return the item to its original position.

Sound familiar? Don't be surprised. Shipowners who negotiate the selling price of their items are the masters of negotiation and they are able to apply the technique of "the flinch" as described above on command.

Once this technique is applied, your opponent will immediately realized that the amount is the absolute limit and will not attempt to negotiate past that barrier. This allows a definitive boundary to be established on your own position.

Negotiation Tactic 2 - The Hot Potato

This technique involves passing the problem over to your opponent.

The goal is to confuse your opponent and let him solve your own problem. This will also allow you to gain some valuable information about your opponent at the very same time.

For example, you are a laptop salesman and you are trying to push a certain model to a customer which costs $2000. The customer, eager to try to negotiate a better deal, says that they like the model, but have only a budget of $1500. Obviously, they hope that we will lower the price to meet their needs.

To use the technique of "The Hot Potato", you could perhaps tell the customer something like "I have this new model that is a real bargin, but it costs more than $2000. Is there any point in showing it to you?"

If the customer would like to view, this would imply that he or she is not as constrained by the budget as previously mentioned. This gives you additional information about the customer allowing you to negotiate more effectively.

Look out for my next post in this series entitled: "Negotiation Tactics - Part 2" for more effective negotiation tactics that you can use in everyday life. Do bookmark this post if you enjoyed it. Thanks.

If you are interested in this post, do consider checking out the related posts in the negotiation mini series.
- An Introduction to Negotiation
- The Three Stages of Negotiation
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 2

Jim Rohn: How to Avoid Being Broke and Stupid

2008-07-02T22:48:00.002+08:00

While you're surfing and dropping, why not listen to or check out this video by a great entrepreneur, philosopher, and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn.

If you liked that video, you might wanna check out these clips.

Jim Rohn - How to have Your Best Year Ever

Part 2

Part 3

If you're interested in materials by Jim Rohn, check out this link.

Negotiating for a Pay Rise, the Three Stages of Negotiation

2008-06-29T15:41:00.019+08:00

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We all want our bosses to pay us better. That is certain. However, if you do not communicate your intentions for better pay, your boss may not get the message.

You will have to take matters into your own hands and negotiate for the pay rise that you deserve.

But how do you do this? You will first have to understand some aspects in the negotiation process. Recall in a previous post, i gave an introduction to negotiation.

What is negotiation anyway? How is negotiation defined?

Well, negotiation is defined as a process between two or more parties in which they consider alternatives to arrive at a mutually agreeable solution(s) or reach mutually satisfactory objectives.

We need to treat negotiation as an agreeable process. Without it, you cannot do or achieve what you want.

View negotiation as a process. Without the other party, you cannot achieve what you want.

Treat negotiation as an opportunity to work together to achieve a mutual goal that would have been impossible for either one person to achieve alone.

Now, let us look at the three stages of negotiation. They are,

Preparation, Interaction and Agreement.

1st Stage - Preparation

In preparation, the situation is established such that both parties understand the entire situation.

2nd Stage - Interaction

In the interaction phase of negotiation, both parties establish rapport, verify assumptions and information about the situation and work towards establishing a mutually beneficially situation.

Rapport is important as it is important to establishing a positive relationship between both parties.

3rd Stage - Agreement

In this final stage, the parties come to an agreement.

Sound simple, it is. Let us see how this is applied to a negotiation for a pay rise.

Negotiating for a Pay Rise

In stage one, you will have to know your objective. Know how much to ask and how much to settle for before hand. Find out if you are able to throw in any sweeteners that you can throw in on your part such as offering to take up additional tasks or responsibilities.

Finally, do find out the hiring limitations that are imposed on your boss. For example, your boss may not be authorized to give pay increases, but may be authorized to dispense other benefits such as additional paid leave.

In the interaction phase of stage two, know beforehand what to say before you step in to the office. Perhaps you could schedule a meeting to discuss the review to ensure that your boss has the free time and will be mentally prepared to discuss the situation in an objective manner.

Have material ready to verify any assumptions that your boss might make. Have quantifiable evidence to justify your achievements over this period.

The final agreement phase, you will discover whether your boss is ready to meet your requests.

Strive to agree. If your boss denies your request, do find out what is the limiting factor and agree to review the situation in a few months time.

I do hope that the next time you negotiate for a pay rise, it will go well for you!!! Do bookmark this article if you found it useful.

If you are interested in this post, do consider checking out the related posts in the negotiation mini series.
- An Introduction to Negotiation
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 1
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 2

Presentation Tips

2008-06-24T23:22:00.021+08:00

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Just imagine. You're presenting the results of your technical analysis to a group of managers. What do you do?

Please select the appropriate choice.

Do you...

a) Give a detailed, drawn-out elaboration about your recommendation, how you arrived at it, leaving out no details, including every technical tidbit hoping to impress everybody with your meticulous attitude.

b) Give a simple and to the point presentation of the results together with a basic outline. Hoping that your simple and clear presentation brings the message across.

The answer? ......

It depends on the audience!!!

Every presentation should always be centered on the audience. Do profile your audience before you prepare your presentation.

If your audience is a group of technical managers who are really into technical details, by all means, go wild with choice A.

On the other hand, if your audience is a mixed group of managers from many external departments with limited technical knowledge about the subject, avoid boring them with lengthy details.

Provide them with just enough background information to give understanding. Focus on their objectives for attending this presentation. The recommended approach here would be choice B.

Its that simple...

If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark it or subscribe to the feed. Many thanks.

Introduction to Negotiation

2008-06-21T00:37:00.013+08:00

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Negotiation skills are essential in everyday life.

Nope, i’m not talking about the struggle with the used car salesman. I’m talking about our daily everyday lives. We negotiate everyday without even knowing about it.

Take for instance you are with a friend and you feel like having pizza for lunch while your friend on the other hand, wants Mexican food. It is up to you to negotiate a win-win situation.

So, this being an introduction to the different aspects of negotiation, i will now compare and contrast the various aspects of negotiations.

Firstly, lets look at bargaining.

This is the most obvious form of negotiation know to us, such as the used car salesman example mentioned earlier.

It occurs when a buyer interacts with a seller, and the objective for each party is to maximise each individual’s maximum gains.

However, this case presents a zero sum game to the buyer as well as the seller. A party’s gain is the other party’s loss.

If the salesman manages to convince the buyer to buy at a high price, the salesman wins but the buyer loses. It is a zero-sum game.

The second type of negotiation is the auction.

In this case, the buyers bid against each other, with no interaction between seller and buyer. It is a form of reverse bargaining where the buyers are trying to out-do one another to get the highest price.

Finally, the last form is negotiation.

Negotiation is a form of corporation, and not a confrontation. The unique thing about negotiation is that additional values can be created to provide a win-win senerio, and this distinguishes it from bargaining.

Let me illustrate this point with an example. In bargaining, when the car salesman and buyer haggle over the price, one party has to lose for the other party to win.

However, in negotiation, each individual can create additional pockets of value to sweeten the pot. The car salesman could throw in some freebies such as rust protector coating while the buyer could offer to pay upfront in cash. These allows a win-win situation to be created more easily.

Negotiation is a process between two or more parties in which they consider alternatives to arrive at mutually agreeable solutions. Do consider alternatives when trying to influence people to get your way. Be a better communicator, today!

If you are interested in this post, do consider checking out the related posts in the negotiation mini series.
- An Introduction to Negotiation
- The Three Stages of Negotiation
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 1
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 2

10 Attention Grabbers for Better Public Speaking

2008-06-15T00:11:00.019+08:00

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A good speech will definitely make use of attention grabbers. In public speeches, the audience will generally have rather short attention spans.

Hence, in long speeches that are 2 hours or more, there is a need to have more compelling attention grabbers in order to capture and maintain the audience’s attention.

Let us look at some features of an effective attention grabber.

- Firstly, effective attention grabbers are sometimes unexpected

- Secondly, audiences usually have their own worries and troubles on their minds. Does the attention grabber break the pre-occupation that is pre-existing in their minds?

- Next, does it generate curiosity in the minds of the audience?

- Finally, does the attention grabber relevant to the message of the speaker? Does it create a positive relationship?

With these factors in mind, let us look at 10 commonly used attention grabbers.

1. Ask a question – Asking a question challenges the mind of the audience, putting them in a thinking active mode instead of a receiving passive mode. A question is easy to ask and also serves as an effective tool to buy the speaker time to think about the next point.

2. Use an anecdote or story – Everybody loves a good story, so why not tell a good one? This story can be anything in the real world that is related to your topic.

3. Give a definition – This technique is good for speeches at scientific conferences for instance, and helps to clarify ambiguous terms within the speech.

4. Use a quote – A quote, when used appropriately, can easily be used to motivate, inspire or enthrall an audience.

5. Use an analogy – This technique involves likening the topic of subject to a more understandable frame of reference that the audience can understand. It is useful when describing certain features or benefits.

For example, you could say; “Finding the correct job ls like finding the correct pair of shoes, you know when you have found a perfect fit.” By using an analogy to relate your focus to a more common image, this will allow the audience to relate to your message more easily.

6. Use humor – It is common knowledge that audiences enjoy funny speeches. However, the trick to a good attention grabber is to use humor that is relevant to the topic.

7. Relate a personal experience – Personal experiences shared under this context must firstly, be interesting. Secondly, it has to be related to your message. The audience must be able to make the link between your story and your message or else what you will be doing is merely to tell the audience a story about yourself.

8. Give a demonstration – Conducting a demonstration helps people who like to absorb information visually. It also helps provide variety to your speech and serves as an interesting distraction to a tired audience.

9. Do a survey – A survey involves a question posed to the entire audience with the intention of determining their response as a group based on a show of hands. This allows you to count the response and will give you a rough idea of the situation.

10. Give a quiz – A quiz is similar to an actual test where questions of a more specific nature are posed to each member of an audience. It is generally not used for presentations of a more formal nature and is more appropriate for training-type workshops.

Attention grabbers are an important aspect to a successful public speech. It grabs and holds the attention of the audience allowing you to deliver your message with impact. Use attention grabbers to communicate better, today!

If you have found this post useful, you might be interested in the following
- The 3 Simplest Steps to a Better Vocal Presentation
- Control your Presentation Fears
- Give Better Oral Presentations

You might also be interested in
How to Give Your Best Speech or Presentation Ever: A Step-by-Step Manual for Speaking in Public

When a Wedding Invitation becomes Bad News

2008-06-11T17:45:00.005+08:00

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Imagine receiving a wedding invitation and groaning in dismay. Can’t imagine it? Well, South Koreans can.

“I will have to fork out USD147 to attend 3 weddings,” lamented a 25 year old South Korean clerk, who earns about USD$1750 a month.

A recent report in the local newspaper highlighted the plight that many South Koreans face. Currently, South Koreans have a tradition of supporting one another by giving money at each wedding occasion.

According to their National Statistical Office, each household gave out an average of USD505 last year. (Average monthly household income is USD 3,509 as of 1Q 2007 according to the Korea National Statistical office)

According to a market research company, 90 percent of South Korean workers reported to be “stressed” by the expenses incurred during such occasions.

South Korea is an example of a typical society which places a greater emphasis on connections. Such practices are essential in maintaining a person’s social networks and are essential if reciprocation is expected on your own special occasions.

For some people, the practice of giving money at a wedding is an opportunity to highlight a person’s relationship with the family of the newlyweds. This has implications even in the business world as well. When children of important business leaders get married, many unfamiliar faces often show up with such gifts.

The act of being generous with your time as well as your money is an important aspect in being a people person. Most successful businessmen are known to be generous with their money when it comes to entertaining.

To become better liked, perhaps you should consider adopting a more generous mindset. Give and you shall receive. It is part of removing the focus from yourself and focusing on the needs of others. Only then will you be able to relate better to others and achieve the happiness that all of us crave as a result.

Conversation Starters

2008-06-08T01:02:00.010+08:00

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Are you looking for conversation starters? How does one start a conversation anyway?

Don’t you admire people who waltz into a room and immediately find themselves immediately sharing jokes with someone, while you’re standing alone, all self-conscious, hoping for something to happen?
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The thing is, we all feel nervous when encountering strangers for the first time. We all wait for someone to come and talk to us.

Take the initiative and talk to someone. Chances are, that person will be relieved that you did and you would have gained valuable experience as well as an increased sense of confidence.

Starting a conversation with a stranger can be daunting, but the rewards can be great. Here are some conversation starters that can help you start a conversation.

Greet and introduce yourself – The most basic technique available. All you need to know is the word “Hello” together with your name.

State a fact – This is something that is known as small talk. If you’re seated in the audience waiting for the show/speech to start, you could turn to the person seated beside you and say: “Lots of people seated here today.” or something to that effect, just to try to break the ice.

Make an inquiry – This is an easy one. Just ask someone around you a question. Everybody likes to feel important, and asking them a question is a way to say: “I think you are knowledgable and I want to hear what you have to say.”

Use a leading question – A leading question is one which attempts to guide the respondent's answer. Leading questions which lead the conversation to a certain topic could easily serve as a good conversation starter, and will depend on the situation at hand.

Ask open ended questions – Open-ended questions are questions that encourage people to talk. They help in establishing rapport and helps gathers information about the speaker. These questions avoid simple brief response such “yes” or “no.” which may easily kill off the flow of the conversation. These include questions such as “Tell me more about yourself.”

Pay a complement – This is something that will definitely endear you to the other person fast. Everybody likes to be complemented, and as long as it is done sincerely, from the heart, there is absolutely no drawback.

Look for items on the person to comment – This technique is usually used in tandem with paying a complement. When you look at a person, immediately identify something nice which that person is wearing and mention it.

John Maxwell, one of the world’s leading experts of leadership, has a 30-second rule. He advocates saying something nice to each person you meet 30 seconds upon meeting them. If each individual in this world follows this rule, the world will indeed become a better place to live in.

The above are proven conversation starters that can be used to help break the ice with a stranger.

When employing these conversation starter techniques, do remember to employ the basic techniques of interpersonal communication such as practice active listening as well as becoming genuinely interested in the other person. Follow the five techniques of good interpersonal communication.
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This will not only allow you to get the conversation started, but also to get it moving as well. Start talking and practice better interpersonal communication, today!