Social Situations and Small Talk

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As humans, we are frequently required to attend a whole host of social functions where we are required to interact with groups of strangers. Most of us could use some help in such social situations.

Wouldn't it be nice become a better conversationalist in the art of small talk?

In a previous post, "First Impressions", the importance of making a good first impression was highlighted. This was followed up with the post "How to Make a Great First Impression" where we looked at some tips on how to achieve this.

In this post, we will be exploring the next step in socializing which is making the art of making small talk.

What is small talk?

It is an easy going, light hearted and casual conversation about everyday happenings. It deals with general topics and everybody should be able to participate in the conversation.

How do you begin?

Well, asking a question is always a great place to start. Ask open ended questions which trigger a response. Alternatively, you could always make a statement, state a fact or give an opinion.

Here are some dos and don'ts of small talk.

Do talk about

- Business
- Situation
- Travel
- Background
- Food
- Sports
- Cars
- Movies
- Entertainment
- Hobbies

Avoid talking about

- Religion
- Politics
- Personal Questions (age and income)
- Appearance
- Race
- Inappropriate Jokes


Here are some things you could do to be better at engaging in small talk

Practice Practice Practice:

Engage in conversation with people whom you come across, be it cashiers, waiters, people you're in line with, come across or encounter, be it neighbors, co-workers or even kids.

Chat with people dissimilar to yourself, from seniors to teens to tourists. Force yourself to get into small talk situations. Accept invitations, or even host your own very own meeting or gathering.

Be Well Read and More Involved:

How do expect to contribute to and be involved in a conversation if you are ignorant of the issues? Television, music, sports, fashion, art and poetry are great topics for everyday conversation. Everything is a source of information that can be discussed. Noticed that the people most skilled in conversation usually have an opinion for most topics.

Even if you don't like something, that too can be an interesting source for a conversation. Expand your horizons. Try japanese food, play pinball, paint, or even bake a pie. Try something new every day.

Become a Better Listener:

Listen more than you talk. Attentive listening can bring up many opportunities for making small talk. Did she just say that she suffers from migraines? Did he mention his favorite football team? Take your time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember the other person's name names and use it frequently.

Remember, the more you practice, the better you are at it. The more you know, the more you know you can talk about. The more you listen, the more you can focus on the other person's interests. This will help you become more confidence, overcome any traces of shyness and any feelings of fear.

Small talk can and is a huge challenge for most people. However, some preparation and confidence is all that you require to be successful at it. A skilled small talker will come across being more friendly and open, as compared to a person who does not say much during social situations.

If you have enjoyed this post, please remember to subscribe to this blog, bookmark it or check out some other excellent articles from the Top Posts section. Thanks.

First Impressions

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Within the first few seconds of any new encounter, you will be evaluated by the other person.

This initial impression form the basis of all future thoughts from the other individual and hence is extremely important in our interpersonal relationships.

As Will Rogers once commented

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression."

Hence, whether be it in your social or professional life, it is important to learn how to create a positive first impression.

Follow the Rule of Ten when it comes to first impressions

- It takes only 10 seconds for people to form an opinion of you. This opinion remains in their minds and there will rarely be a second chance to change it.

- The first 10 words that comes out from your mouth indicates the respect that you have for the other party.

Factors that influence this include your tone of voice, your manner as well as the kind of words which you use which reflect on you as an individual and how you treat the other person.

- We all know that appearance plays an important role in creating a positive first impression.

The top 10 factors that affect our appearance include: A suitable hairstyle, clean hair, vibrant skin, fresh make-up for the ladies, clear eyes, a sincere smile, clean teeth, confident posture, clean attire as well as appropriate accessories.

This article aims to bring across the idea that making a first impression is indeed very important in establishing relationships. The "Rule of Ten" has also provided several factors using which influences a good first impression.

In the next article entitled "How to Make a Great First Impression", i will look at more specific applications of things you can do to make that all-important great first impression that counts!

How to Make a Great First Impression

A Magical Formula to Stop All Worry Situations

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Our fast paced lives are plagued with worry, from worry over our health, to our finances, to other small stuff. Worry is a part of our lives. What if someone were to come up with a magical formula specially designed to abolish the problem of worry from our lives?

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The following magical 3 step process on how to stop and handle worry situations, as mentioned in the book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie, comes from Willis H. Carrier, founder of the famous Carrier Air Conditioning Corporation.
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ASK --> ACCEPT --> IMPROVE

Step 1: ASK yourself, ‘What is the worst that could happen?”
Analyse the situation without fear and in a truthful manner and figure out “What was the worst that could possibly happen?”

Step 2: Prepare to ACCEPT it if you have to.
After figuring out what was the worst that could possibly happen, you should reconcile yourself to accept it, if necessary.

Step 3: Calmly proceed to IMPROVE on the worst.
Finally, strive to devote your time and energy on trying to improve on the worst which you have already accepted mentally.

Let us apply this 3 step process on a real life business example. Take the fear of presentating an important proposal to the senior management of a company for instance.

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Instead of wearing yourself out worrying about the situation, apply the 3 step formula stated above.

Firstly, ask yourself, what is the worst that could possibly happen? Maybe your proposal will be rejected and you will be fired, or your company will lose a million dollars as a result.

Next, accept the worst. If you are fired, one can always reapply for another job. It might be a new opportunity to try out new things or explore other exciting opportunities. If your company lost money, accept the lost. At least you gained some valuable experience from the incident.

Finally, having accepted the worst, you are now likely to be in a better mental state and more ready to be able to handle the problem.

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In our example, the presentation has not taken place yet. You can devote your time and energy to improve on your presentation so as to perform to the best of your abilities. The calmer mental state as a result of accepting the worst case situation will surely be able to improve your presentation.

So, as the popular Bob Marley song goes...

(whistling)

Here's a little song i wrote,

you might want to sing it note for note,

don't worry, be happy

in every life we have some trouble,

when you worry you make it double

don't worry, be happy

Don't worry, be happy. Follow the above 3 step formula to stop and eliminate all the worry from your life... :)

Establishing Effective Communication Skills

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Effective communication skills are indeed important, not only in our interpersonal relationships but also within the workplace. Fortunately, communication skills can be learned, and can also be improved upon over a period of time.

Apply the five following techniques of effective communication. These basic principles will help you achieve improved interpersonal relationships as well as outstanding workplace success.

Technique 1: Listen

It is ironic that the passive skill of listening is a core component of good communication. Listening focuses your attention on the other person, allowing you to be audience-centric your interactions.

Listening also allows the other person to get his or her point across and thus may cause him or her to reciprocate your kind attention and listen to what you have to say. Listening has also the added bonus of supplying the time needed to perform the next step well.

Technique 2: Speak Slowly and Clearly

The next step to better communication is to speak clearly at a suitable pace. Have you ever spoken to someone who rambled continuously in an incomprehensible manner? You can avoid this by framing your thoughts in a clear and concise manner.

When you do speak, do not rush; speak slowly, in a clear and logical tone. With the diverse nationalities in today’s globalised workplace, speaking clearly becomes even more important in the communication of thoughts and ideas in the workplace.

If you tend to get nervous when speaking, try this tip. Imagine the person whom you are speaking with to be a small child, and that you are trying to explain something simple to him. This will help to reduce any nervous tension out from your voice. However, try to avoid sounding condescending.

Technique 3: Be Considerate

Always be mindful of the other person’s feelings. Speak in terms of the other person’s interests. Don’t ramble on and on about something that the other person is not interested in. Do smile, and maintain good eye contact.

Technique 4: Give Complements

Everybody wants to be appreciated, and so the person who is able to give this recognition will be extremely valued. A complement, given sincerely, is a simple and effective way to create bonds with any individual you desire. It costs nothing to give, and is of infinite value to the person receiving it. John Maxwell, leadership expert has his 30 second rule. Give the other person a complement within 30 seconds of meeting him or her.

Technique 5: Have Confidence

Confidence helps you to communicate in many ways. People enjoy communicating with other people who appear to be confident. Maintain eye contact, smile. Initiate contact if the other person is shy. Show off your personality.

Be mindful of these five techniques highlighting the basic principles of effective interpersonal communication the next time you interact. Interpersonal skills are indeed important in our everyday life. With time and practice, you will definitely before a more effective and successful communicator.

Control your Presentation Fears

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As I was surfing the web, looking good presentation tips, I noticed a curious trend. The 2 most common problems that people face when it comes to delivering presentation are namely,

1. Powerpoint issues
2. Fear / Nervousness issues

I will likely post more about these topics in the near future, but from my point of view, the way to overcoming the fear of presentation is to PRACTICE.

Getting neverous before an important presentation is totally normal. I’m nervous everytime I am due to speak, and I’ll bet great public speakers like Barack Obama feel just as nervous as you or I.

Speaking expert TJ Walker makes the following enlightening points

-If you feel nervous before a speech, chances are, your speech is boring!!
-Most speeches in this world, business, political, etc… are boring.

If you want to feel good about your speech, make it interesting. Talk in terms of the audience’s perspective.

TJ Walker further points out that you should watch a video of your speech, in order to ensure that you have interesting stuff to say, when you practice. When you like how you sound and what you are saying, then it will be impossible to be nervous.