Use Your Head To Communicate Effectively

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Effective communication includes an awareness of not only what you say, but also how you say it.

However, another important tool of communication is body language. We all know that actions speak louder than words. Our bodies give away signals of how we feel, what our true intentions are, and what we’re not saying. So we may be sitting on a crowded sectional sofa during a family gathering without saying a word, yet communicating clearly to anyone who glances over.

Gestures and body language are so ingrained that we take them for granted. We are almost unaware of behaviors such as tapping a pen, stroking the side of our noses or yawning. Yet, the fact that such behavior is virtually unconscious makes it a real clue to what we’re really thinking and feeling.

Mixed Messages of Head Gestures

When looking at effective communication then, we need to examine what our body language is saying to others. Even some of the most basic gestures, such as nodding our heads can give mixed messages.

In most cultures, when we want to say “yes” or show agreement, we nod our heads. This action comes from bowing; the person symbolically begins to bow, but stops short, resulting in a nod. Bowing is one of the most submissive gestures and the head nod stemming from this indicates that we are going along with the other person’s point of view. Allan and Barbara Pease, authors of The Definitive Book of Body Language (2004, Orion), states that research conducted with “people who were born deaf, dumb and blind shows that they also use this gesture to signify ’Yes’, so it appears to be an inborn gesture of submission.”

It’s easy to assume then, that a head nod means “yes” the world over. However, in India, the head is rocked from side to side to say “yes”, a gesture that most Westerners would associate with “either – or” or “maybe yes, maybe no”. Furthermore, in Japan, head nodding can be misinterpreted; it doesn’t necessarily mean “Yes, I agree with you”, it usually means “Yes, I hear what you’re saying.” Be aware too that in Arab counties, a single, upward head movement means “no”, whereas Bulgarians shake their heads to mean “yes” rather than “no”.

Using the Power of the Head Nod as a Tool of Persuasion

Once you are clear about the meaning of the head nod, head wobble and head shake, consider the power of head nodding as a tool of persuasion. Pease and Pease cite research showing that “people will talk three to four times more than usual when the listener nods their head using groups of three nods at regular intervals.” The speed of the head nod is a clue to how patient the listener is feeling. “Slow nodding communicates that the listener is interested in what the speaker is saying so give slow, deliberate clusters of three head nods when the other person is making a point,” they say.

On the other hand, if you want to tell a speaker that you’ve heard enough, want them to finish, or want a turn to speak yourself, it’s time to start nodding quickly. This is a way to interrupt and get involved in a conversation or bring it back under your control without using words.

“Body language is an unconscious outward reflection of inner feelings” say Pease and Pease, so if someone’s head is nodding as they speak, it is a sign that they are feeling positive or affirmative. It iss even the case that “if you simply start nodding your head intentionally, you will begin to experience positive feelings”, almost as if agreeing with yourself generates as much feel-good factor as someone else agreeing with your point of view.

Conclusions and Recommendations

Because head nodding is very contagious, it is an excellent tool for creating rapport, encouraging agreement and getting co-operation. Pease and Pease have found that if someone “nods their head at you, you will usually nod too – even if you don’t necessarily agree with what they are saying.” They recommend finishing your sentences with verbal affirmations like “don’t you think?”, “isn’t it?”, or “wouldn’t you?”, plus plenty of nodding. In this way the listener experiences positive feelings which increase the chances of their agreeing with you. Clearly, if you want to get co-operation from other people, it’s time to start using your head.

If you are interested in this post, you might consider the following posts
1) Persuasion Tactics Simplified
2) Social Situations and Small Talk
3) Improve Your Communication Skills

Recognise your Strengths

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Consider this story

A water bearer in China had two large pots hung on the ends of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the perfect pot would always be full of water, but the cracked pot would arrive only half full.

For two years, this went on every day, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor and cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of perceived bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The bearer replied to the pot, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so i planted flower seeds on your side of your path, and everyday while we walk back, you water them. For two years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers. Without you being the way you are, there would not be this beauty and grace in this house."

Think about what makes you unique in this world! What you perceive as a flaw might be seen by others as an asset. It might be your slightly crooked smile or corny jokes which warm other people up or your abnormal height that makes you a great basketball player. Do not neglect in counting the positives that make you who you are!

Remember that everybody has their strengths. Inspite of how bad you might think of yourself, you are special, unique and one of a kind. Recognise your strengths, trust in your abilities and succeed in life.

On the flip side, do recognise that even the weakest individual is better than you or me in some way or another. It may be intelligence or kindness or generosity or even grace.

Emerson once said: “Every man is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

Almost every man you meet feels himself superior to you in some way, and a sure way to win a person's heart is to let him or her realize that in some subtle way, you recognize his importance in his little world, and recognize it sincerely.

For more motivational quotes, check out this page of Motivational Quotes.
Check out this page for tips on how to win friends and influence people.

How a Complement can turn into an Insult - Communication Process

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Interpersonal communication is indeed a tricky thing to manage. Messages are frequently distorted though the communication process, such that even an intended complement might even turn into an unintentional insult.

Case in point. I was talking with a good friend the other day. She pointed out something that i thought was very interesting. She actually felt offended when somebody complemented how hardworking she was.

How could this be, you might wonder? The adjective "hardworking" certainly must be complementary, one must imagine. The free online dictionary defines the word hardworking as "habitually working diligently and for long hours." Certainly this must be a complement, especially considering the Asian culture where we both come from, where the trait of being a hard worker is encouraged and celebrated.

In her opinion, she linked the word "hardworking" with requiring long hours of work and effort in order to get things done. This is opposed to someone who can achieve the same result with little effort.

This is an example as to how the message gets distored as it moves from the receiver to the sender. There is a process of coding and decoding of the message which distorts the message from its original meaning. As mentioned in the post "Understanding the Communication Process", this could be due to cultural factors as my friend has lived many years of her life in an European environment which is different from an Asian environment.

And that is how complementing someone as being hardworking can actually turn into an insult. And i'm not even referring to complements that sound like insults either or "complisults", an urban slang meaning a half-compliment and half-insult.

The point to take away from this message is that unintentional miscommunication frequently occurs in our daily lives. This can happen anywhere, from our home to our workplace. This is a result of many different distorting factors as information flows through the channel of communication.

There is a need to put in the extra effort to ensure that your message is properly received and interpreted by the other person. Continue to be mindful of other person's feelings and continue to develop your interpersonal communication skills.

Love and Respect

`Love and respect are abstract, intangible aspects in interpersonal relationships. Everybody wants it, few people get it. It cannot be bought and can only be earned. However, it is something that each and everyone of us craves.

This post talks about the various aspects of respect and how it can strengthen your relationships.

Respect and Friendships

I have noticed in my daily life that love, friendships and respect are aspects that are strongly interlinked. We tend to become good friends if there is something about he or she that i greatly respect or admire. The converse is also true.

Just think about it. Think about your best friend whom you love and treasure very much. There must be something about he or she that you really respect or admire.

This could be their way with people, their intelligence, their analytical ability or maybe even about the way he or she looks. The fact that you respect your best friends shows that love and respect are often connected.

Respect has implications beyond friendships, and extend to relationships in all walks of life such as in marriages, workplace or even in the sporting arena.

Respect and Marriage

Respect is an important component in a successful marriage. One of the most important ingredients for a successful marriage is mutual respect.

Do show appreciation to your significant other for all the little things that he or she does for you. By paying attention to your spouse, you are demonstrating your respect, and your love for them.

Respect and in the Workplace

Respect is also especially important in the workplace.
Disrespect for others in the workplace creates an atmosphere of negativity, which leads to suspicion, hostility, harassment, bullying, malpractices and frustration.

Respect in Sports

A quick Google search of "lack of respect in sports" brings many examples where a lack of respect has led to unpleasent situations such as requests to be traded to another team etc...

In addition, a lack of respect in combat sports is a serious problem when it happens as this may lead to unnecessary brutally when the match is over.

The main objective of this post is to emphasize the fact that love and respect are often interlinked, and this often leads to strong relationships and friendships. This has been demonstrated using examples from friendships, marriages, the workplance as well as in the sporting arena.

Thus, you should always show respect to others, because this will lead to mutual respect. Respect is earned and never given. It does not instant, but earned over a long period of time.

If you are interested, here are some nice Love Quotes and Quotes about Respect.

I Love You

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I Love You.

Three words that have transcended emotional core of the human race.

I Love You.

Three words that have transformed the of human history. Three words that can move armies and change the face of human destiny. Three words that can touch lives.

Falling in Love

Falling in love is one of life's great experiences. Everyone wants to be in love. No matter where we are in our lives or what else might occupy our time, we all wish to have someone to love and someone who will love us in return.

Love is...

So what is love? Love refers to emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. Relating to the phase "I love you", love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person.

When we feel that special feeling for someone else, we tend to want to say that special three words to the other person. We think of the other person all the time. It floods our minds and occupies our fleeting thoughts. That special person and those three special words, "I love you".


Love in a Relationship

In a relationship, differences between men and women may cause friction within a loving relationship. For example, a women wants to feel loved and cherished but the man will want to feel competent and respected. Not recognizing such differences might result in problems later in a relationship.

Similarly, recognizing such needs and desires early on can help both parties fulfill each other's needs and desires in a relationship resulted in strengthen bonds and ties.


Love Equals Giving

Pure love is giving by its nature. When a person showers his or her partner with the warmth and tenderness of love, his or her partner will instinctively feel the desire to reciprocate. This creates a positive feedback loop of love and affection. Thus, we should all strive to shower our partners with as much love and affection as possible.


Relationships need Constant Love

Relationships require nourishment in order to grow and develop. Just like plants that require water and sunlight, similarly, our relationships also require constant nourishment and care to flourish. Shower your partner with love and affection, such as affirming your love by saying "I love you".

I wish you a lifetime of endless love and happiness with whoever he or she may be.


Here are some resources that are related to the words "I love you"

Love Quotes from Free Famous Quotes
I Love You in Different Languages
21 Reasons why I Love You
The Art of Seduction from Amazon.com
How to Write a Love Letter from Amazon.com

Make the Other Person Feel Important and do it Sincerely

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How to make people like you instantly.

In my previous post "How to Win Friends and Influence People", we have explored the first five ways to make people like you, and they are

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

In this post, we will explore the one all important law of human conduct. This law will bring us countless friends and constant happiness if followed, and endless trouble if broken. The law is,

Always Make the Other Person Feel Important

As humans, all of us crave to be appreciated. I am not referring to cheap insincere flattery here, but honest sincere appreciation.

The truth is that almost everybody that you meet feel that they are superior to you in some way. Why not let them realize in a subtle way that you recognise their importance and recognise it sincerely.

Show Respect to Others

Always show respect to others. Fill your vocabulary with phases such as "I'm sorry to trouble you," "Would you be so kind as to -" "Won't you please?" "Would you mind" and "Thank you."

Little courtesies like these grease the gears of everyday life and make our daily existance a nice and smoother one.

As humans, we should do our best to try and radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation to others, even if we do not get anything in return. The fact that you managed to make someone feel a tiny bit better about themselves is reward enough.

Why not say something nice to somebody else. It could be a family member, a friend, or even a complete stranger. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.

Make someone else happy, today.

If you enjoyed this post, don't forget to subscribe or bookmark it! :)

Relationship Advice

'After being in a successful relationship for almost 2 years and on the verge of getting married, I thought I would share some important relationship advice on how to maintain a strong relationship with your partner.

1) Be Understanding –

Relationships have their ups and downs. No two people are perfect, and everybody is different. You should not expect your partner to share your point of view for all things.

The key is to try to be understanding to the other person’s feelings and to try to take the other person’s point of view. Compromise. Adopt the other person’s point of view more often and you should see more improvement in your relationships.

2) Make the Extra Effort –

Relationships don’t sustain themselves automatically. A plant requires nourishment and sunlight to grow, similarly, relationships require lots of nurturing for them to develop and grow. And all of this nurturing requires lots of time and extra effort for them to develop.

In life, we often times take our closest loved ones for granted, and don’t put in the necessary time to develop our relationships with them. Do make the extra effort to make time for your loved ones today.

3) Be Interesting (Or at least try to be interesting) –
In many relationships, couples fall into a rut of doing the same things again and again. That coupled with the stagnation as a result of familiarity results in boredom in a relationship.

Periodically do something different or interesting to excite your partner. Go for a weekend getaway, do something nice for your partner for no reason. Avoid falling into that mundane ruet that many couples tend to fall into.

Relationships in an important aspect of our lives and we need to take the effort to nature them. These three simple relationship advice may require some effort to follow, but might provide much more joy and satisfaction to your relationships.

You might also enjoy some Funny Dating Quotes.
You might also enjoy the post: "Can Money Really Buy Happiness?"

Talk in terms of the other person's interests

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In Dale Carnegie's international best seller, How to Win Friends and Influence People, we have seen how we can become more likable by Become Genuinely Interested in Other People.

In this post, we will build upon this post by exploring the aspect of talking in terms of the other person's interests.

To be successful in relationships, a person will need to learn to talk in terms of the other person's interests. This rule holds true in many instances from social situations where you are meeting someone for the very first time, to married couples.

We cannot achieve this if we have no idea what the other person truly values, cares about or is really interested in.

Let the other person do most of the talking by asking questions and them listening to them actively and connecting with them at the level of what they value. You should have a genuine interest in the other person. Then, and only then, can you sincerely talk in terms of the other person’s interest.

Similarly, this piece of advice even holds true when giving a speech: The speech isn’t about you. It isn’t even about your expertise. It’s about your audience and how they can benefit from what you say.

According to Howard Z. Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications, talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties. When you take the time and effort to find out what interests the person you are speaking to, the reward will be an enlargement of your life each time you speak to someone.

You've probably heard of the Golden Rule, which is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Why not apply this rule to the area of interpersonal communication? Author Tony Allesandra has come up with the Platinum Rule, which is "Treat others the way they want to be treated." This is an important rule that can help guide the way in which you treat others.

This article is one of the six ways to make people like you as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog.

If you like this article, you might also enjoy

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Improve Your Communication Skills

Communication skills is an important aspects of our life, be it when we are engaging with our partners, our friends or our work colleagues.

Being able to inspire other individuals through your communication will allow your life to become more fruitful and enriched. As such, it is important to constantly seek to improve your communication skills.

Here are five tips on how you can improve your communication skills and become a better communicator.

1) Ask Open Ended Questions

In order to allow your conversation to flow, it is useful to use the technique of asking open-ended questions. Open-ended questions often start with words such as “when”, “what” and “why”. An example of an open-ended question is a statement such as: “So, what are some of your favorite foods?”

It is best to avoid the closed-question. An example of the closed-question is a statement such as “Do you like to read”, which only invokes a yes or no type of response. Nothing kills a conversation quite like a closed question, because it can only be answered with a yes or no answer. Thus, do use more open-ended questions and this will hopefully lead to more free-flowing conversations.

2) Employ Active Listening

Active listening is a really useful technique as it lets the other person know that you’ve really listened to what they have been saying.

More importantly, it also conveys to the other person that you have understood what the other person is trying to say. The post "The Three Different Levels of Listening" elaborates more about the importance of listening as well as more characteristics of active listening.

Active listeners follow a conversation and are able to summarize the essence of what the other person is trying to say, guiding the conversation forward.

3) Engage With The Other Person

If someone else is trying to engage you in a conversation, your body language is really important. Try not to continue with the task that you are already doing. Instead, what you should do is to stop whatever it is that you are doing and face the other individual, and give them the time which they deserve.

Remember that good communication involves engaging with the other individual. Give them the time and respect that they deserve.

4) Don’t Make Assumptions

Do not jump to conclusions when you are in a conversation with someone. Don’t assume that you know what they are thinking or what they might feel about a particular topic. Instead, it is much better to ask them if they are ok with this or if they feel all right about that.

Take that person’s thoughts and beliefs into careful consideration and rather than projecting your own thoughts and feelings on them. Remember, don’t make assumptions.

5) Avoid Using Antagonistic Sentences

An example of an antagonistic sentence is, “You’re sitting in my chair.” An antagonistic sentence can be seen as a form of attack on the other individual.

Hence, it is much better to use softer and less direct sentences such as “Excuse me, I think you’ve taken my seat.” This approach is much less confrontational and which will mean that you are more likely to encounter a lot fewer conflicts in your life.

In this post, we have seen five tips on how we can improve on our communication skills. Actually, it is not that difficult to improve your communication skills. All we have to do is to be genuinely interested in the other person. A smile here and there goes a long way.

Follow these guidelines and soon you will be on the path to better interpersonal communication skills.

Showing Appreciation with the Honest Scrap Award

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In a previous post, we've looked at Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation and how it is essential in interpersonal communication.

In this post, i will be showing my appreciation to bloggers that have enriched my life in some way or another.

Firstly, i would like to show my appreciation to Rick from Rick's World for awarding me with the "Honest Scrap" award.

Rick's blog is filled with great writing and it is an honour to be nominated by him. As bloggers, we put in so much effort in our blogs and its lovely to be acknowledged for your work from time to time through nice gestures of appreciation such as what Rick has done.

The requirements of this award are as follows:

“This award is bestowed upon a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.”

Again, quoting from Rick’s blog, here are the requirements:

- When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to the said person so everyone knows she/he is real.
- Choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends. Show the seven random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
- List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!”

Here are the ten honest things about myself

1) I am a positive person
2) I believe in the power of positive thinking
3) I believe that we should all constantly try to improve oneself
4) I look towards the good in a person
5) I believe that generally speaking, each individual is inherently good on the inside
6) I have had my share of problems with other people
7) This has led me to realise the importance of interpersonal communication
8) I lead a blessed life with a caring family and a loving girlfriend
9) I enjoy watching the UFC and playing poker
10) I wish that the world could become an even better place for one and all.

The first blog that i would like to highlight would be Communication Exchange by Patricia Rockwell. As a former communications teacher, Patricia makes comprehensive posts about a wide range of communication related issues. She has been a constant supporter of my blog and I appreciate it very much.

Next, I would like to highlight CK from A Singaporean in London. An active blogger with a huge following on the blog-o-sphere. His blog is filled with interesting insights from a Singaporean living in London. Coincidentally i might be going there later this year. Hope to meet up sometime.

The next blog that i would like to highlight is by Kerrilee, entitled Lazy Bear Blogs. I really like the design of this site. The fact that it has comprehensive articles makes the blog all that much greater!

Next, i would like to highlight Monica's blog mysignsoflife. Her old catchphrase on her blog used to read "Did anybody tell you they loved you today?" which was extremely meaningful. It has since evolved to become "The Truly Educated Never Graduate ~ Thoughts on Living, Loving, Learning, Attitude & Gratitude…" Interesting posts, well worth checking out!

Health Nut Wannabe Mom is a blog by Heidi that is about health nutrition and weight loss tips. It is such a great blog that in the last week, it has been the recipient of the "Heart and Soul" award awarded to blogs that have touched that person. Truely a great blog.

Discipline or Regret is Andrew Scott's quest to achieve a fitter and healthier life. I enjoy the concept of his blog tremendously as i feel very strongly that life is all about discipline or regret. It takes discipline to do the right thing so as to avoid the regret that will follow. Its all about resisting the temptations of short term gains to achieve the long term benefits.

Womensselfesteem.com's Blog is a blog by Dorothy that talks about womens self-esteem and confidence. Her blog is filled with lovely pictures and positive thoughts. Just lovely!!!

Help to make the world a better place by spreading some love!!!