Its not what happens to you, but what you do about it

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Its not what happens to you, but what you do about it that matters!

Each of us encounters setbacks in our lives. It might be big, such as the loss of a loved one, or it might be small. However, its not what happens to you that matters. What matters is what you do about it.

Overcoming The Odds:
An Example

Take for instance the example of Oscar Pistorius. He is a double amputee, which means that he had both of his lower legs amputated. To each and every one of us, I’m sure; this would be a tremendous setback that would eclipse any problems that you or I might be facing right now.

One might expect someone like him to feel dejected about his life, about how he was dealt an unfair hand in the game of life. But did he wallow in self pity? No, he didn’t. Today, he is a world class athlete who holds numerous world records in track and field and is currently attempting to qualify for the Olympics.

If someone like him, who has lost 2 of his limbs, can achieve something so exceptional, certain you or I, who are complete in body and mind, is capable of achieving so much more.

When we face setbacks, we might feel sorry for ourselves, feel angry or negative about it, or try to escape from the problem by resorting to alcohol. However, would something like that solve the problem? No, it wouldn’t. That would only exacerbate the problem and lead us down a downward spiral of despair.

Other people might do nothing and try to forget the problem. Well, you know the saying, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

What We should Do

What we should do is to turn the problem into a source of strength. Its not what happens to you that matters, what matters is what you do about it. Instead of moaning or grumbling, what we should do is to use the problem as a source of motivation to improve upon the situation.

For instance, there was this instance where I was given negative feedback about my personality. I was told that I was too cold, aloof and impersonal with people. Was I upset about it? You bet I was. However, after doing some self introspection, I felt that the feedback that I received was true. I can’t change the past. What has happened has already happened and can’t be changed.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing, what I could do was to try to change the future and improve myself. This motivated me to try to improve upon my interpersonal communication skills by joining more social activities such as Toastmasters International, a public speaking organization, and by reading and researching more about interpersonal communication in general. One great book about the subject is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Today, I can confidently say that I am a better person as a result of this incident.

To reiterate the main point of this passage, its not what happens to you, but what you do about it that matters. We can’t change the past, but we still have the power to shape our own destinies. We can choose how we want to handle our setbacks. Instead of wallowing in self pity, why not use it as a source of motivation and strength and make a positive change for the better. You will become a better person if you choose to put your mind into it.

Recognise your Strengths

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Consider this story

A water bearer in China had two large pots hung on the ends of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect.

At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the perfect pot would always be full of water, but the cracked pot would arrive only half full.

For two years, this went on every day, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots of water to his house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor and cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of perceived bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The bearer replied to the pot, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so i planted flower seeds on your side of your path, and everyday while we walk back, you water them. For two years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers. Without you being the way you are, there would not be this beauty and grace in this house."

Think about what makes you unique in this world! What you perceive as a flaw might be seen by others as an asset. It might be your slightly crooked smile or corny jokes which warm other people up or your abnormal height that makes you a great basketball player. Do not neglect in counting the positives that make you who you are!

Remember that everybody has their strengths. Inspite of how bad you might think of yourself, you are special, unique and one of a kind. Recognise your strengths, trust in your abilities and succeed in life.

On the flip side, do recognise that even the weakest individual is better than you or me in some way or another. It may be intelligence or kindness or generosity or even grace.

Emerson once said: “Every man is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

Almost every man you meet feels himself superior to you in some way, and a sure way to win a person's heart is to let him or her realize that in some subtle way, you recognize his importance in his little world, and recognize it sincerely.

For more motivational quotes, check out this page of Motivational Quotes.
Check out this page for tips on how to win friends and influence people.

Presenting with Visual Aids

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The visual aid is an invaluable tool which should be utilised in a presentation.

Remember that over 70% of communication is non-verbal. Hence, visual aids can definately help to enhance the quality of a presentation.

What are Visual Aids?
Visual aids are materials which you can use during a presentation to help your listener understand, accept and be motivated by what you have to say.

You should use visual aids when you need to
1) Focus the audience's attention
2) Reinforce your verbal message
3) Stimulate Interest
4) Illustrate factors that are hard to visualise

You should NEVER use visual aids to
1) Impress your audience with overly detailed tables or graphs
2) Avoid interaction with your audience
3) Present simple ideas that can be more easily stated verbally

Examples of Visual Aids
Examples that can be used to enhance a presentation include:
1) Computer-based visuals such as Powerpoint
2) Overhead transparencies
3) Flipcharts
4) Whiteboards
5) Props
6) Video
7) Photographs

Some questions to ask yourself when you make a presentation are
1) Are your visual aids appropriate for the speech and message that you are trying to convey?
2) Do the visual aids help you to carry your point across?
3) Are my visual aids simple, clear and concise?

Some addition presentation tips from my own experience are
1) Be careful not to block your visual aids when you make your presentation.
2) Do arrive earlier beore hand to check the working condition of the electronic equipment such as computers, projectors and microphones.
3) Visual aids are good, but you can make a good presentation great by integrating effective body gestures in your presentation.
4) Use more layman terms to elaborate your points. When you are presenting, there is a tendency to use jargan within your speech.
5) Do add a personal touch to your speech. You can do this by providing examples that the audience can relate to.

Here are some addition resources and tips for a better presentation
The 3 Simplest Steps to a Better Vocal Presentation
10 Attention Grabbers for Better Public Speaking
Public Speaking Via An Audience Centered Approach
Presentation Tips