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Saturday, May 16, 2009

Talk in terms of the other person's interests

In Dale Carnegie's international best seller, How to Win Friends and Influence People, we have seen how we can become more likable by Become Genuinely Interested in Other People.

In this post, we will build upon this post by exploring the aspect of talking in terms of the other person's interests.

To be successful in relationships, a person will need to learn to talk in terms of the other person's interests. This rule holds true in many instances from social situations where you are meeting someone for the very first time, to married couples.

We cannot achieve this if we have no idea what the other person truly values, cares about or is really interested in.

Let the other person do most of the talking by asking questions and them listening to them actively and connecting with them at the level of what they value. You should have a genuine interest in the other person. Then, and only then, can you sincerely talk in terms of the other person’s interest.

Similarly, this piece of advice even holds true when giving a speech: The speech isn’t about you. It isn’t even about your expertise. It’s about your audience and how they can benefit from what you say.

According to Howard Z. Herzig, a leader in the field of employee communications, talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties. When you take the time and effort to find out what interests the person you are speaking to, the reward will be an enlargement of your life each time you speak to someone.

You've probably heard of the Golden Rule, which is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Why not apply this rule to the area of interpersonal communication? Author Tony Allesandra has come up with the Platinum Rule, which is "Treat others the way they want to be treated." This is an important rule that can help guide the way in which you treat others.

This article is one of the six ways to make people like you as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog.

If you like this article, you might also enjoy

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Conversation Tips

We engage in numerous conversations in our daily lives. Thus, it is important to learn good habits for engaging in a conversation.

Here are three conversation tips that can help. They focus on Listening, Leading as well as identifying Non Verbal Cues.

Listen and Pause before Speaking

When you are listening to someone, it is often times a good idea to pause before you start talking. When you are listening, if you could wait just a little bit longer before you start speaking, you might find that the other person has not finished. They will often speak just a little bit longer, and what you're doing is that you're demonstrating really good listening skills when you do this.

Secondly, you are showing the other person that you care enough to really listen. When you pause before speaking, that silence, even if it lasts for five seconds, creates anticipation and also encourages the other person to pay attention. This adds to the depth of your conversation.

Lead and Pace with Emotion

It is good when you are having a conversation, to take charge and lead a conversation. Lead a conversation with pace and with emotion. You achieve this by speaking with enthusiasm.

By smiling, and by speaking with energy and enthusiasm, you become almost irresistible to the other person. He or she will not be able to resist following you. Leading with emotion and sets the pace for a new level of interest and excitement.

Address Non Verbal Feedback

The final conversational tip is to pay attention and to address non verbal feedback that exists in all conversations.

Lets say that you are talking to someone, and that person says, "That's very interesting, I'm really interested in that." But if you really pay attention, you can see that the voice tone and body language does not match what she says. So by paying attention to the non verbal feedback, you will know that she is not really interested.

So how do you address that? You can address it directly if you know the person well. You could say "Well, you don't sound very interested, would you like to talk about something different?" or you could simply change the topic of conversation automatically because you know that the other person really isn't that interested. So that is what i mean by addressing non verbal feedback.

Don't just pay attention to what the other person is saying, Watch and adjust your approach depending on the body language.

Utilize these conversation tips in your everyday life in order to become a better conversationalist. If you are interested in learning more about this topic, you might consider checking out my post on Social Situations and Small Talk. You could also check out my post on First Impressions as well as the followup post on How to Make a Great First Impression.