Pleasure and Pain in Human Behaviour

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Why do you do the things that you do? Why do you go to work, or relax in front of the television, or meet up with some friends?

What is the motivational factor that drives all human behaviour?

The answer is actually very simple. World renounded success coach Anthony Robbins in his book Awaken the Giant Within has the answer.

We do things in order to avoid pain, as well as to gain pleasure. Let me repeat that again. We do things to to avoid pain and/or to gain pleasure. That sounds so simple that it clouds the deep truth and profound wisdom in the answer.

This provides the answer as to why different people may do different things or have different values. Let me provide an example. Why do some people smoke, but others frown upon it?

This is because the people who smoke link tremendous pleasure to this activity, such as the feeling of being "cool" or "hip". However, other people may link tremendous pain to the activity, such as coughing, or getting lung cancer.

The point that i am trying to make is, all of us are driven by the need to gain pleasure, as well as the need to avoid pain.

Understanding this principle will allow you to become more understanding and empathetic to the actions and behaviors of other people. If can also help you to improve the quality of your own life by getting you to take action on the things that you know that you need to do.

For example, we all seek to improve our relationships with our loved ones, but not everybody makes the effort to spend time with them. We know that we seek to improve our relationships, because of the pleasure and good feelings that we get when our relationships are strong.

However, we do not act on this instinct as this feeling of pleasure is overwhelmed by the even greater feeling of immediate pleasure that playing a video game or watching some television may bring.

What we need to do is to try to strengthen our associations between pleasure and relationships, as well as to link some pain into not having strong relationships.

Think of what it might feel like to be distant to your loved ones, and you might find that this might motivate you to put in the necessary effort in your relationships or whatever you want to achieve in your life.

The pain and pleasure principle is extremely simple yet powerful. Understanding this principle and applying it in your daily life will not only allow you to change your behaviour, it will also allow you to improve the quality of your life.

If you are interested in reading more about Anthony Robbins, you might also enjoy some quotes by Anthony Robbins
If you are interesting in reading more about human needs, you might enjoy my post about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

What is Important in your Life?

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The world is coming to an end!...

…according to the program “Apocalypse Now”, which is a program from the discovery channel.

According to that program, the world can come to an end in a number of ways.

For example, a black hole could easily destroy us. Certain black holes move through space at tremendous speeds.
A black hole could be headed towards us right now and swallow the entire world up in an instance. Even if it does not hit us, it might push the earth out of its current orbit into deep space where we might freeze in a couple of weeks or nearer to the sun where we might be roasted.

The formation of a black hole similarly causes an intense burst of gamma ray radiation. Such a burst, if aimed directly at earth, could eliminate all of what we call biology as we know it.

The earth itself is also subject to cyclic fluctuations in its climate. It seems like for the past ten thousand years or so, we are currently experiencing a warm phase. Soon, the pendulum will inevitably swing back and the earth will be faced with an ice age again.

If all of the above does not get us, the death of our sun when it starts burns out surely will.

What is the purpose of all of saying all this?

We are a mere flicker in the span of cosmic time. From the words of Shakespeare's famous work,

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances..."

The point which I am trying to make is: What is important in your life?

This world will not last forever. Even if we were to discover the secret of eternal life, this world which we know as earth will not last forever. Even if you could accumulate a wealth of material items, it will all become meaningless at the end.

If so, you will need to ask yourself the golden question, "What is important in my life?" If you are able to answer this, then you might have stumbled onto a small glimpse of that the meaning of life really is.

When i ask myself that very question, the answer is very clear to me. My family and loved ones are the most important in my life. They are the source of my happiness. In times of difficulty, they are the people whom i turn to and the people who i trust the most.

Yet, often times, many of us take our family and loved ones for granted. We often prioritize stuff that are less important such as work or a television program, while neglecting that all important time that should be spent with our family and loved ones. We also tend to have less patience with our loved ones and get angry more easily.

Am i saying that this is wrong, not really. What i want to highlight here the following:

1) Our loved ones should be, and is one of the most important aspects of our lives
2) We often times take our loved ones for granted
3) We need to actively take the time and effort to improve our relationships with our loved ones.

Take the time to talk and show appreciation to your family and loved ones. Use some of the effective communication tips as mentioned in the Better Interpersonal Communication blog. Remember, this world will not last forever, so what is really important in your life?

If you enjoyed this post, don't forget to bookmark this blog, stumble this post or check out some of my other posts.

Some guiding principles that will help you to find more meaning in life
Finding Meaning in Your Life

The Causes of Miscommunication in Daily Life

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Miscommunication frequently occur in our daily lives. This is a result of many different factors as information is transmitted through the channel of communication.

In my previous post “Understanding the Communication Process”, we have looked at the channels of communication and how it can be distorted by noise. In this post, we will be exploring the different causes of miscommunication that occur in our daily life and how it might lead to miscommunication.

The one of the most common reasons for miscommunication would be because one word could have multiple meanings. For example, a draft could mean rough work, a bank draft, or even a strong current of wind.


In addition, a statement could simply be misinterpreted based on its context. For example, consider a statement such as “Let us leave now.” To the receiver, this may mean “Let us leave immediately”, while to the sender, this statement may mean “Let us start preparations to leave now.” Such situations are most common the office where people are under stress and time constraints. Miscommunications of this sort inevitability happen and are a root cause of many of the conflicts and misunderstandings that occur at the office.

Another cause of miscommunications would be because one word can sound similar to another. For instance, a simple example would be “I want to play” which sounds similar to “I want to stay.” This situation is further exasperated by the increasingly globalize world where technological advances have made it possible for many different cultures to be able to work and interact together. Different accents may result in communication difficulties.

Human moods could also play a large factor in miscommunication. A person in a foul mood may easily interpret the most innocuous statement as something filled with malice. Hence, it is important to consider the non-verbal aspects of communication as importantly as you would consider what a person says.

Cultural and environmental upbringing could be another factor. For example, a word or gesture in a certain culture could mean something obscene in another culture or context. For example, the V - sign may seem like a universal symbol of victory, peace and love, but may be considered rude in certain parts of the world such as Italy.

In conclusion, miscommunications occur when one side doesn’t communicate enough information to us, or when we misinterpret the meaning of certain words or gestures. Do put in the time and effort to ensure that your message is properly received and interpreted by the other person.

Keep an open and alert mind, continue to develop more effective interpersonal skills and you will definitely be able to avoid the pitfalls of miscommunication in our everyday lives.

Stamp out anxiety and depression from your life

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Stamp out anxiety and depression from your life today!

To begin, let us explore the definitions of anxiety and depression.

Worry is to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret.

Anxiety is defined as the distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune; while

Depression is a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

Hence from the definitions above, we can clearly see that worry is the root cause of anxiety and depression. Worrying about things leads to the distress of the mind which is anxiety. Over a sustained period of time, this leads to a condition of sustained general emotional dejection which is known as depression.

To sum up, worrying about things leads to anxiety which eventually leads to depression.

Thus, to eliminate anxiety and depression in your life, we have got to learn how to stamp out worry first!

In life, we are constantly plagued by numerous worries of all shapes and sizes. Some can be huge and serious, like worrying about a life threatening illness, while others can be tiny, like worrying if your favorite weekly program is going to be broadcast as scheduled. Regardless of the situation, we are always confronted by situations that may cause us worry.

So, how do we eliminate worry from our lives? One technique that i always use is to shift your focus on to the other person. Ever wondered why people involved in care-giving or charity work usually seem so happy? This is because people in these occupations focus their concerns on the other person, and hence have exhausted their capacity to worry about themselves.

You could also check out this 3 step formula entitled "A Magical Formula to Stop All Worry Situations", which is a post specially designed to abolish the problem of worry from your life.

In short, we CAN stamp out anxiety and depression from our lives!! And we can achieve this by controlling worry in our lives.

Follow the above method of shifting your focus onto the other person as well as the 3 step formula, and this will definitely help to eliminate all the worry from your life... :)

If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy
A Magical Formula to Stop All Worry Situations
The Power of a Smile
How to Win Friends and Influence People

Social Situations and Small Talk

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As humans, we are frequently required to attend a whole host of social functions where we are required to interact with groups of strangers. Most of us could use some help in such social situations.

Wouldn't it be nice become a better conversationalist in the art of small talk?

In a previous post, "First Impressions", the importance of making a good first impression was highlighted. This was followed up with the post "How to Make a Great First Impression" where we looked at some tips on how to achieve this.

In this post, we will be exploring the next step in socializing which is making the art of making small talk.

What is small talk?

It is an easy going, light hearted and casual conversation about everyday happenings. It deals with general topics and everybody should be able to participate in the conversation.

How do you begin?

Well, asking a question is always a great place to start. Ask open ended questions which trigger a response. Alternatively, you could always make a statement, state a fact or give an opinion.

Here are some dos and don'ts of small talk.

Do talk about

- Business
- Situation
- Travel
- Background
- Food
- Sports
- Cars
- Movies
- Entertainment
- Hobbies

Avoid talking about

- Religion
- Politics
- Personal Questions (age and income)
- Appearance
- Race
- Inappropriate Jokes


Here are some things you could do to be better at engaging in small talk

Practice Practice Practice:

Engage in conversation with people whom you come across, be it cashiers, waiters, people you're in line with, come across or encounter, be it neighbors, co-workers or even kids.

Chat with people dissimilar to yourself, from seniors to teens to tourists. Force yourself to get into small talk situations. Accept invitations, or even host your own very own meeting or gathering.

Be Well Read and More Involved:

How do expect to contribute to and be involved in a conversation if you are ignorant of the issues? Television, music, sports, fashion, art and poetry are great topics for everyday conversation. Everything is a source of information that can be discussed. Noticed that the people most skilled in conversation usually have an opinion for most topics.

Even if you don't like something, that too can be an interesting source for a conversation. Expand your horizons. Try japanese food, play pinball, paint, or even bake a pie. Try something new every day.

Become a Better Listener:

Listen more than you talk. Attentive listening can bring up many opportunities for making small talk. Did she just say that she suffers from migraines? Did he mention his favorite football team? Take your time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember the other person's name names and use it frequently.

Remember, the more you practice, the better you are at it. The more you know, the more you know you can talk about. The more you listen, the more you can focus on the other person's interests. This will help you become more confidence, overcome any traces of shyness and any feelings of fear.

Small talk can and is a huge challenge for most people. However, some preparation and confidence is all that you require to be successful at it. A skilled small talker will come across being more friendly and open, as compared to a person who does not say much during social situations.

If you have enjoyed this post, please remember to subscribe to this blog, bookmark it or check out some other excellent articles from the Top Posts section. Thanks.

A Magical Formula to Stop All Worry Situations

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Our fast paced lives are plagued with worry, from worry over our health, to our finances, to other small stuff. Worry is a part of our lives. What if someone were to come up with a magical formula specially designed to abolish the problem of worry from our lives?

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The following magical 3 step process on how to stop and handle worry situations, as mentioned in the book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie, comes from Willis H. Carrier, founder of the famous Carrier Air Conditioning Corporation.
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ASK --> ACCEPT --> IMPROVE

Step 1: ASK yourself, ‘What is the worst that could happen?”
Analyse the situation without fear and in a truthful manner and figure out “What was the worst that could possibly happen?”

Step 2: Prepare to ACCEPT it if you have to.
After figuring out what was the worst that could possibly happen, you should reconcile yourself to accept it, if necessary.

Step 3: Calmly proceed to IMPROVE on the worst.
Finally, strive to devote your time and energy on trying to improve on the worst which you have already accepted mentally.

Let us apply this 3 step process on a real life business example. Take the fear of presentating an important proposal to the senior management of a company for instance.

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Instead of wearing yourself out worrying about the situation, apply the 3 step formula stated above.

Firstly, ask yourself, what is the worst that could possibly happen? Maybe your proposal will be rejected and you will be fired, or your company will lose a million dollars as a result.

Next, accept the worst. If you are fired, one can always reapply for another job. It might be a new opportunity to try out new things or explore other exciting opportunities. If your company lost money, accept the lost. At least you gained some valuable experience from the incident.

Finally, having accepted the worst, you are now likely to be in a better mental state and more ready to be able to handle the problem.

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In our example, the presentation has not taken place yet. You can devote your time and energy to improve on your presentation so as to perform to the best of your abilities. The calmer mental state as a result of accepting the worst case situation will surely be able to improve your presentation.

So, as the popular Bob Marley song goes...

(whistling)

Here's a little song i wrote,

you might want to sing it note for note,

don't worry, be happy

in every life we have some trouble,

when you worry you make it double

don't worry, be happy

Don't worry, be happy. Follow the above 3 step formula to stop and eliminate all the worry from your life... :)

Control your Presentation Fears

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As I was surfing the web, looking good presentation tips, I noticed a curious trend. The 2 most common problems that people face when it comes to delivering presentation are namely,

1. Powerpoint issues
2. Fear / Nervousness issues

I will likely post more about these topics in the near future, but from my point of view, the way to overcoming the fear of presentation is to PRACTICE.

Getting neverous before an important presentation is totally normal. I’m nervous everytime I am due to speak, and I’ll bet great public speakers like Barack Obama feel just as nervous as you or I.

Speaking expert TJ Walker makes the following enlightening points

-If you feel nervous before a speech, chances are, your speech is boring!!
-Most speeches in this world, business, political, etc… are boring.

If you want to feel good about your speech, make it interesting. Talk in terms of the audience’s perspective.

TJ Walker further points out that you should watch a video of your speech, in order to ensure that you have interesting stuff to say, when you practice. When you like how you sound and what you are saying, then it will be impossible to be nervous.