Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

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This post talks about the simple, yet effective principle of: "Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation"...

... and is the second principle listed within the category of "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People" as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's best selling book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

I'm about to reveal something that is a fundamental, yet little known truth of human behavior. This fact is that everybody, from the lowest peasant to the mightiest of emperors, seeks to obtain a feeling of importance.

Athletes strive so hard for victory as they seek the feeling of importance at being the best at what they do.

Employees work so hard to get promoted as they seek the feeling of importance and recognition for their contribution.

Some people get their sense of importance from earning a lot of money while others get their sense of importance from things such as charity work and donations.

So, you might be wondering, how does the fact that everybody seeks a feeling of importance factor into our principle of "Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation"?

In a nutshell, give people the praise that they deserve and crave for (in order satisfy an individual's need to feel important), and you will find that the world will be a much easier and friendlier place to live in.

Note that what this principle advocates is NOT flattery.

Universally despised act of flattery is defined as giving a person excessive or insincere praise. However, what is advocated here in this post is to "Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation".

For example, say thank you when someone does something nice for you. Make a special mention when somebody makes a special effort to dress up or does something for you.

Everybody likes to be appreciated. How often have you heard this phase. "So-and-so does not appreciate me."

The simple act of giving honest and sincere appreciation does indeed work wonders. Why don't you go ahead and try it right know and show some appreciation to a loved one.

Do leave a comment to share how it works out for you.

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Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain

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Interested to learn about a basic fundamental principle for good human relations? Want a simple and effective method to improve your interpersonal relationships?

This post talks about the simple, yet effective principle of: "Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain"

This is the first principle listed within the category of "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People" as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's best selling book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

So what does it entail? Simple, it is exactly what it says it is. Do not criticize, condemn or complain. Simple and easy. No encrypted message, no hidden meanings. Just refrain from criticizing, condeming or complaining.

Why is this technique so effective in interpersonal relationships?

You may feel that the other person has done something wrong, but the reality is; people never blame themselves for anything. As a result, we tend to get defensive when blamed or criticized for something.

Take for instance lets say that you lost your wallet. A concerned friend or family member might say something like, "Why are you so careless? Can't you be more careful?"

Such a remark criticizing the action of losing the wallet, even though it was made out of concern, generally will have a negative effect on the receiving party.

A person, when criticized, may seek to justify himself and may respond defensively in a manner such as "Do you think i want to lose my wallet?" or "People lose things all the time, you are no different."

This exercise shows us how criticism, even made out of a spirit of care and concern, may lead to defensive responses or even misunderstandings.

If something so gentle can turn out so wrong, imagine the negative effect of criticisms, made in the heat of anger must have on a person. The same truths hold for both condemnation as well as complaining.

As Dale Carnegie so eloquently put it: "Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving."

So the next time you see something that you don't like, do refrain from criticism and seek to be more understanding and forgiving towards the other person.

If you are interested, you can check out my post about "Winning Friends and Influencing People."

Similarly, if you have enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog. Thanks... :)

How to Win Friends and Influence People

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"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving." -- Dale Carnegie

You've probably heard of the book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnege.

After all, it has sold 15 million copies globally since it was first published in 1937, influencing an entire generation of self help books.

Something that is so successful has to contain something special.

As such, here is a summary of Dale Carnege's book entitled
"How to Win Friends and Influence People"

Part One
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3.Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two
Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Part Three
Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Part Four
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.


If you seek tips on improving interpersonal communication skills, this is it! I will be elaborating more about these words of wisdom in future blog posts, so stay tuned.

If you are interested, you can check out Dale Carnegie's book on Amazon here. Alternatively, you may also consider checking out the audiobook version of this book for easy listening from Amazon here.

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