Social Situations and Small Talk

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As humans, we are frequently required to attend a whole host of social functions where we are required to interact with groups of strangers. Most of us could use some help in such social situations.

Wouldn't it be nice become a better conversationalist in the art of small talk?

In a previous post, "First Impressions", the importance of making a good first impression was highlighted. This was followed up with the post "How to Make a Great First Impression" where we looked at some tips on how to achieve this.

In this post, we will be exploring the next step in socializing which is making the art of making small talk.

What is small talk?

It is an easy going, light hearted and casual conversation about everyday happenings. It deals with general topics and everybody should be able to participate in the conversation.

How do you begin?

Well, asking a question is always a great place to start. Ask open ended questions which trigger a response. Alternatively, you could always make a statement, state a fact or give an opinion.

Here are some dos and don'ts of small talk.

Do talk about

- Business
- Situation
- Travel
- Background
- Food
- Sports
- Cars
- Movies
- Entertainment
- Hobbies

Avoid talking about

- Religion
- Politics
- Personal Questions (age and income)
- Appearance
- Race
- Inappropriate Jokes


Here are some things you could do to be better at engaging in small talk

Practice Practice Practice:

Engage in conversation with people whom you come across, be it cashiers, waiters, people you're in line with, come across or encounter, be it neighbors, co-workers or even kids.

Chat with people dissimilar to yourself, from seniors to teens to tourists. Force yourself to get into small talk situations. Accept invitations, or even host your own very own meeting or gathering.

Be Well Read and More Involved:

How do expect to contribute to and be involved in a conversation if you are ignorant of the issues? Television, music, sports, fashion, art and poetry are great topics for everyday conversation. Everything is a source of information that can be discussed. Noticed that the people most skilled in conversation usually have an opinion for most topics.

Even if you don't like something, that too can be an interesting source for a conversation. Expand your horizons. Try japanese food, play pinball, paint, or even bake a pie. Try something new every day.

Become a Better Listener:

Listen more than you talk. Attentive listening can bring up many opportunities for making small talk. Did she just say that she suffers from migraines? Did he mention his favorite football team? Take your time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember the other person's name names and use it frequently.

Remember, the more you practice, the better you are at it. The more you know, the more you know you can talk about. The more you listen, the more you can focus on the other person's interests. This will help you become more confidence, overcome any traces of shyness and any feelings of fear.

Small talk can and is a huge challenge for most people. However, some preparation and confidence is all that you require to be successful at it. A skilled small talker will come across being more friendly and open, as compared to a person who does not say much during social situations.

If you have enjoyed this post, please remember to subscribe to this blog, bookmark it or check out some other excellent articles from the Top Posts section. Thanks.

Remembering A Person's Name

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Dale Carnegie, is his famous international best seller, How to Win Friends and Influence People has listed down "six ways to make people like you". Lets explore one of them.

Our name is an extremely vital part of our own self image. It identifies who you are. It is your shout out to the world. Our name is a means of identification. We use it when we affix our signature, on any report we turn in, on our tax returns.

Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together.

Remembering a name not only creates instant familiarity and connection to the other person, it is also a subtle and effective complement. It implies of the importance of the other person such that time and effort has been taken to remember one's name.

On the other hand, if you have met someone and meet them later and have not taken the trouble to remember his or her name, that person will think you have no interest in him or her.

"Good manners," said Emerson, "are made up of petty sacrifices."

Now that we've established the importance of remembering a person's name, lets look at some techniques that can help us remember names better.

In order to remember a name, you could form mental imagery that sounds like the name. The more ridiculous the image, the easier it is for you to recall.
It is also important to picture that person in the scene. This will help you to associate that person to the ridiculous scene which triggers off your recognition of that person's name.

Later, when you are alone, you should write down the person's name on a piece of paper. This will give you a written impression of the name. You could also say it aloud a couple of times giving you a spoken impression of the person's name.

Remembering names is an important social skill. Mastering this skill can offer a distinct advantage in your business as well as in your personal lives. The secret to remembering names is to make the extra effort to review, relate, repeat and record the names and associations of people for easier recall.

This article is one of the six ways to make people like you as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog.

If you like this article, you might also enjoy

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

2. Smile.

Ten Guidelines for Better Communication Part 2

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In my last post, Ten Guidelines for Better Communication Part 1, I presented five tips that can definitely help you to communicate more effectively. Here are five additional tips.

6. Talk to him in his own Language

If you tried to describe the color "green" to a color-blind man, you wouldn't get very far. We frequently make the same mistake either by using unfamiliar words, or by assuming that the other person has the same ideas or interests as us.

Hence, by "tailoring" your language, ideas and words to your audience, this is helps in promoting effective interpersonal communication

7. Emotions Mean as Much as Facts

This simple fact escapes many individuals. People not only think with their brains, but also with their personalities.

Fear, anger, suspicion, together with a lot of other undesirable emotions can easily be aroused by what you say. Remember, non-verbal communication plays a huge part in our daily interpersonal interactions.

8. Discretion Plays a Part

A good communicator doesn't rebroadcast everything he hears. People will only tell you things you should know if they're sure it won't get them into trouble. Before you repeat something, do consider the possible effects and consequences.

9. Too much is as bad as too little

Minds are like stomachs. They can only hold and digest a certain amount at a time. When you have a lot to say, see if it can be broken up into parts. Or perhaps put the details into writing for future reference.

10. Watch For Responses

The best way to find out if you're really getting through is to see how the other person is reacting. If he or she look bored, irritated or confused, you will need to change your approach.

Attentive listening is important not only because of what you can learn, but also because it means a great deal to the other person.

Remember, the points stipulated above are NOT hard and fast rules. You have to keep in mind that you are communicating with real people; people who do not act according to established rules and may, and probably will, act and think irrationally at times.

Keep the above ten rules in mind and this will definitely help to encourage more effective communication in your daily life.

If you have enjoyed this post, please remember to subscribe to this blog, bookmark it or check out some other excellent articles from the Top Posts section.

Ten Guidelines for Better Communication Part 1

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Are you interested in communicating more effectively? Do you want some rules to help encourage effective communication?

Here are ten tips that can definitely help you to communicate more effectively.

1. Think Before You Speak and Put Things in Logical Order

You can't expect to communicate in a clear manner if your thoughts come out in a disorganized way. Outline your thoughts in your own mind before letting it out. Remember, you can't erase words once they're out of your mouth.

When things are disorganized, people become confused and disinterested. Make sure that your thoughts are structured and organized before you communicate them.

2. Use Your Past Experience

Each individual has his or her style of communication. We need to learn from paste experiences in order to communicate more effectively.

Stop to think: "What have I learned previously that will help me communicate more effectively this time around?"

3. Try and Catch People in a Frame of Mind to listen

An individual who is worried, angry or is preoccupied won't "hear" you any better than if you were talking next to a very noisy machine. This acts as a barrier which impedes effective communication.

In this process of communication, many factors act as noise which distorts the message from its original meaning, These factors could include a person's unreceptive or negative mood which acts as a barrier to effective communication This "barrier" or "noise" acts to distort the message in the communication process.

My post about "Understanding the Communication Process" elaborates on this point further. It talks about the communication process and the noise that distorts the message.

4. Arouse Interest in the Other Individual

A person's attention is like money in a sense. He will only give it to you if he expects to get something worthwhile in return. To get someone to listen, you will have to motivate him just as you would to get him to do anything else.

We individuals are interested in what we want, but unfortunately, no one else is. In order to win over the minds and hearts of other people, why talk about what we want? The individual who is able to put the needs of others above his or her own will be able to win the hearts of others.

The post "Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want" elaborates more about this important point.

5. Find Common Ground

If you want somebody to agree with you, or even to listen to you, try to imagine how he or she feels about this topic and take his viewpoint into account.

Do stay tuned for next week's post where i reveal the next five guidelines for better communication.

If you have enjoyed this post, don't forget to bookmark it. Thanks.

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Written and Spoken Communication

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In my last post, "The Five Types of Communication in an Organization", i mentioned about the different methods of communication within an organization, be it structured or spontaneous.

No matter what category either structured or spontaneous, communication is either written or spoken.

Let us look at the various advantages and the disadvantages of written and spoken communication.

Written Communication

Some of the main advantages and disadvantages of written communication are:

Advantages

- Written communication is good for complicated and vital instructions, which can be given in a precise and uniform manner.

- There is a lesser chance for the message to be misunderstood.

- Written instructions can be checked at a latter date. It serves as a useful reference.

- Authority is transmitted more effectively with a written order than with an oral one

Disadvantages

- It is impersonal.

- People may not always read them.

- It does not answer questions and there is no immediate feedback.

Spoken Communication

Examples of spoken communication that is used in the workplace include conversations, interviews, counseling/helping colleagues, meetings, conferences

Advantages

- Oral communication allows for immediate feedback such as the opportunity to ask questions when the meaning is not entirely clear.

- The sender is able to check and see whether if the instruction is clear or has created confusion.

- Spoken instructions are flexible and easily adaptable to many diverse situations.

Disadvantages

- Poor presentation of the message or the instruction can result in misunderstanding and wrong responses.

- Spoken communication is influenced by both both verbal and non-verbal communication such as tone or body language which may skew the meaning of your message in the mind of the receiver.

If you have found this post useful, you might be interested in the following articles
1) The Three Different Levels of Listening
2) The Causes of Miscommunication in Daily Life
3) Conversation Tips
4) The Five Types of Communication in an Organisation
5) Understanding the Communication Process

You might also be interested in The McGraw-Hill 36-Hour Course in Business Writing and Communication: Manage Your Writing (36 Hour)
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The Five Types of Communication in an Organisation

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In any organization, it is important to have open channels of communication, but how does information actually flow through an organization?

Generally in any organization, there are five ways in which communication can move around.

These five ways fall into two broad categories. They are: Structured and Spontaneous. Let us first look at the different types of structured communication in an organization.

1. Chain of Command:
Eg Directives from senior management to junior executives.

2. Written Word:
Eg Circulars, memos, manuals, handbooks, bulletins, newsletters, publications, etc

3. Representative System:
Eg Trade union representation, meetings, discussions

On the other hand, spontaneous communication in an organization include

4. Informal Work Groups:
Eg Informal leaders, group norms, discussions

5. Gossip:
Get togethers (both inside and outside of work, recreation clubs, social gatherings)

Thus, it is obvious that communication is important, both in its structured as well as in its spontaneous form. All five ways are channels of communication in which communication can flow through an organization.

No matter what category, whether structured or spontaneous, communication is either written or spoken. In my next post, i will be examining the advantages and disadvantages of written and spoken communication respectively.

You might also be interested in
Quick Guide to the 16 Personality Types in Organizations: Understanding Personality Differences in the Workplace

Learn to Wait

How do you handle bad news?

Do you handle the situation impulsively, go off into a flying rage, and shoot the messenger? Or do you step back and give yourself time to consider the situation analytically before you respond?

Bad news is often not as bad as it is initially perceived to be. People often react impulsively to bad news and make bad decisions based on their emotions.

How often has a loved one delivered disappointing news, and you proceed to unleash a barrage of emotional language onto the messenger?

Patience is important, and the lack of patience could be disastrous to your life and relationships. The simple act of allowing a little time to pass, can totally alter the situation, provide a solution to your problem and could even possibly render the entire situation trivial or meaningless.

Possible confrontations can be diffused and new perspectives gained. Indeed, a lot can be gained, simply by allowing yourself to step back and size up the situation impassively.

Here is a song by Take That, to remind you to "Have a little Patience..."

The Four Objectives of Communication Part 3

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In my previous posts, we looked at the Fundamental Four Purposes of Communication.

1. To Be Understood
2. To Be Accepted
3. To Get Something Done
4. To Understand Others

Now finally, we will be looking at our last communication objective, understanding others.

Understanding others is an important aspect of communication.

To communicate successfully, you will have to know a lot about the person whom you are talking to, what they are like, what sort of approach they would like the most or what ideas might they have in mind... etc

You can come closest to this by studying the other person and by encouraging him or her to communicate with you, by being consistently friendly and approachable.

So, to recap all the points mentioned previously, we've established that communication will affect how well you've succeed. Hence, it is important to be proficient in the aspects of communication and to understand the four objectives of communication.

1. To Be Understood - This means to communicate something across to someone else so that he or she knows exactly what you mean. This could be facts, intentions or even feelings.

Words and ideas which seem so clear by themselves... can be understood in many different ways by different people.

Hence, it is important to be mindful about this fact, and take that extra effort to consider your audience and clarify your position if necessary.

2. To Be Accepted - It means to get people to agree with you, or at least to listen to you seriously.

Many things block acceptance, and these may include distrust, lack of empathy or even an upset state of mind.

3. To Get Something Done - Getting action involves more than simply "asking" or "telling". When we use a machine, all we have to do is to push a button. With people, you will generally need to explain, to convince and to follow up.

4. To Understand Others - Understanding others is an important aspect in successful communication. You can achieve this by being constantly friendly and approachable, offer encouragement and by studying the other person.

If i could sum up all of the above in one sentence, it would be, "Good communication skills require dedication and effort on your part!"

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices." Well, good communication skills are also made up of petty sacrifices. Take the time and effort to be other oriented and communicate better today!

Showing Some Appreciation

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In a previous post, we've talked about the benefits of Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation. In this post, i will be showing my appreciation to bloggers that have enriched my life in some way or another.

To start of, i would like to show my appreciation to Monica Borden from mysignsoflife. Her post on "Blogs that Rock - Week 2" really touched me very much.

As a blogger, we all might wonder at one point or another about whether does anybody actually read our blogs? Well, her kind words about my blog really made my day. The catchphrase on her blog reads "Did anybody tell you they loved you today?" I find this phase extremely meaningful indeed.

The next blog whom i'd like to highlight is Communication Exchange by Patricia Rockwell. As a former communications teacher, Patricia makes comprehensive posts about a wide range of communication related issues. I particularly enjoyed her post about Sarcasm Experiments.

In addition, i would also like to take this opportunity to thank Patricia for her long support of this blog with her support and insightful comments!!!

Here are other blogs which have made a difference in my life.

- I'd like to thank CK from A Singaporean in London. He has regularly shared his thoughts on my posts. His blog is filled with interesting insights from a Singaporean living in London.

- Michael Aulia from Michael Aulia - Technology & Reviews has interesting post about technology. I read his blog regularly and get updates on the latest tech news.

- Turnip of Power is another blog which i regularly tune into. It is an influential blog which offers an objective no-holds barred take on social networking issues such as developments in the entrecard world etc...

Thanks for everything and till next week...

The Four Objectives of Communication Part 2

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In my last post, i introduced The Fundamental Purpose of Communication. In this post, we will be discussing upon the next two intentions of communication.

To recap, the four objectives of communication are:

1. To Be Understood
2. To Be Accepted
3. To Get Something Done
4. To Understand Others

Now, let us start by considering the second objective of communication. To Be Accepted.

What does it mean by "To be accepted?"

It means to get people to agree with you, or at least to listen to you seriously.

This might surprise some of you, but actually getting your message accepted does not happen as often as you might think. Many things block acceptance.

These things may include distrust, lack of empathy or even an upset state of mind.

The third objective of communication is To Get Something Done.

Let us consider a common example.

You have something that must be done quickly, and you need to ask someone whom you can trust to do it for you. You think John is the one.

You are under a lot of pressure and cannot possibly do it. So, you ask John for his help.

You are surprised when he shows that he does not want to help you out.

What happened? A situation like this might have taken place.

What you said...

"John, I'm using my machine to finish this job that i'm a little late with. My supervisor gave me this other job to finish today! I will never finish. I already have to work late just to finish the first job. Can you help me out by doing it on your machine for me?"

What John might have 'heard'

"John, here is a dirty job that my boss gave me. I don't want to be bothered by it. Your machine can do it. Your plans for the day don't count to me. Just help me out by doing my work for me."

Your tone may have made John feel that he was being used by you. Perhaps something that you asked him to do in the past had left him feeling resentful, or he may have personal problems which weigh heavily on his mind

In any case, he didn't "hear" so much with his brain as with his feelings. And since he didn't "hear" you correctly, he didn't accept you.

Getting action involves more than simply "asking" or "telling". When we use a machine, all we have to do is to push a button. With people, you will generally need to explain, to convince and to follow up.

In my next post, we will be looking at the last communication objective, which is "To Understand Others," and also look at how we can overcome these communication roadblocks which are present in each and every one of our lives.

The Four Objectives of Communication

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Communication is important in our lives.

In a way, communications is something like breathing. You can't live very long without breathing and you cannot survive very long without communicating. Communication is the thread by which you tie yourself to the world and the world to you.

Let us first consider the role of communication in your job for example.

As an employee, you never work in a vacuum. You always work with and around people. Day to day actions such as passing information and making reports all involve communication in some way or another.

So... how well you communicate will affect how well you succeed.

So, now that we've established that communication affects success (the importance of communication), let us now examine the four objectives of communication.

1. To Be Understood
2. To Be Accepted
3. To Get Something Done
4. To Understand Others

Firstly, let us start by considering the fundamental objective of communication. To be understood.

We communicate so as to let other people know about something.

The primary purpose in communication is to communicate something across to someone else so that he or she knows exactly what you mean. This could be facts, intentions or even feelings.

However, even this simple act may have its problems.

Let us consider a typical situation that occurs in many households. A husband and his wife have agreed to go for a holiday. However, the same word, "Holiday," may mean different things to different people.

For example, in our example between the husband and the wife, the wife may think of a holiday as a stay in a luxurious holiday resort while the husband may think of a holiday as a golfing or camping trip.

Words and ideas which seem so clear by themselves... can be understood in many different ways by different people.

Hence, it is important to be mindful about this fact, and take that extra effort to consider your audience and clarify your position if necessary.

In the next post, i will be discussing about the next 2 intentions of communications which are "To Be Accepted," as well as "To Get Something Done."

You might also be interested in How to Win Friends and Influence People.